It goes to highlight some women are very stupid about men’s choices (I feel confused because I always thought women towards their 30s stop dating alpha thugs and start going for stable provider types). I would like a picture of her to make up my mind. Also, how many women will jump on a guy for expressing his desire not to marry a single mother because of the kids. Here goes:

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I’m a long time lurker but I just made an account to say THANK YOU for all of the marvelous advice and support given on this forum. I am a 28 year old woman, childless by choice, I may or may not want kids of my own one day, I haven’t really decided. Earlier this year I started dating a man who is incarcerated (don’t ask) and I felt he was absolutely perfect for me- except for the fact that he has a 16 year old daughter. I know I have jealousy and insecurity issues and it just didn’t feel right that I could give this man my all and make him the most important person in my life, and yet I would never be able to hold that position in his life. Call me selfish but you know what, I think that’s okay, because at least I have the self-awareness to acknowledge that it didn’t feel right. I tried for two months to get over the fact that he has a daughter but I just couldn’t. When I imagined that type of life I wanted for myself and the type of family I’d like to have one day, “blended” does not come into the mix.

He has always known that I’ve struggled with him having a kid, but he thought I would get over it. Now I know I can’t. This girl is simply horrible and if I ever had a child with him I would NEVER want her anywhere near my kid, half-sister or not. She parties all the time, cuts school, tell her mother she hates her, is rude and disrespectful to everyone, and has a drug problem. I have actually found videos she’s posted online of her smoking a bong. Did I mention she’s just 16? And when I brought this to her father’s attention so he can talk to her mother about getting these videos taken down, somehow I am the bad guy. Really? I can’t.

Two days ago I ended things with him. I feel really bad about it because he is honestly a wonderful person and the only problem in our relationship was my feelings over his daughter. From everything I’ve read here it only gets worse and I felt it wasn’t fair to either of us to continue things. He deserves to have a woman who can genuinely and truly respect and accept all of the relationships he has in his life including his child, and I deserve to live a life in which I don’t have to settle or compromise on such a huge issue. He is not happy about it, he thinks I am overreacting. He tells me she’ll be 17 when he comes home next year so she’s practically a grown-up and it shouldn’t affect us. He never had a relationship with her due to his incarceration (he didn’t even know she was his until she was 5 and the courts mandated a DNA test) so they probably won’t be close anyway, because they aren’t close now. He says she won’t be a part of *our* life, just his life, but I feel that if we are together that becomes one in the same. She’s clearly having issues living with her mother, what if when her Dad is released (we had planned on him moving in with me) she wants to try living with him? I will NOT allow this disrespectful little girl in my home as I truly want nothing to do with her, so he’d probably leave me over that, anyway. Why delay the inevitable?

He has told me that her mother is not a good influence on her (she’s a former convict and meth addict herself) so maybe I can be the one who turns his daughter around. HELL NO. That is NOT my responsibility. I was responsible enough to keep my damn legs shut and not get knocked up by someone I only knew for three months, why should I have to invest the time, money, and emotional energy to raise a kid who isn’t mine? When he suggested that I can be the person to give his daughter a good role model I basically flipped my s~~~- she’s not my problem, and how dare he want me to take this burden on when he knows how I feel about the situation? So we’re done. It hurts because I truly do love him, but I do think ending things now really is for the best, for all three of us involved.

Of course now I am starting to second-guess my decision to end things. He told me I am being selfish and irrational- and I don’t disagree with him, but these are my feelings and try as I did, I can’t change them. He told me he’s never before met someone who feels so adamantly against step-parenthood, and that if I really love him I should love everything that is of him including her, and I am basically a horrible human being for not being able to accept that he has a teenage (almost adult) child. So am I wrong? I don’t *want* to feel this way about her, honestly I don’t, it makes me feel terrible about myself, but I truly hate her. I hate who she is as a person, and I also hate that she holds a part of his heart that I nor my potential future children can ever have. He’s told me that if he and I ever have a baby (he wants a kid with me, I hadn’t made up my mind) that he would probably love our child more than he loves her because he never got to be a dad to her, but he could actually be a father to our baby. Hearing him say that absolutely disgusts me.

So please give me your honest feedback- was I wrong for ending things with him? Is there a way to work past my feelings about her and salvage things with him? Am I some kind of monster for not being able to accept his kid? He’s made me feel like my feelings are atypical but coming on here I know they are not; is there anything I can say to him to explain to him that my feelings ARE valid? Are they valid?

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Original post: http://www.steptalk.org/node/113987

A man incarcerated for at least 12 years (likely more) is not as much as an issue as his daughter. SMH.

It would be funny if men weren’t subjected to women’s selfish nature under the spell of ‘love’.

A single mother I was in love with told me why she would never date a single father. I called out on it and in the end it was … because I don’t want his biological kids to feel less loved, now that he has my kids to raise and love too.

S~~~ women spin man. Round’n’Round.

If she wants honest feedback here it is, learn to care about someone else’s feelings other than your own. That’s pretty much the problem with your whole gender, rampant narcissism and self interest.

So having said that, I will give you my summary of this….. ahem …. woman

C~~~

Thanks for you attention 😆

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My ex-wife married a sex offender (at the prison), and she plans on having him live with our kids when he is released later this year

Sadly, in my home state of Tennessee, a man guilty of molesting a girl as young as 13 can live with minor children!

I’ve been trying to pursue things in the domestic court, but there has been nothing but one delay after another.

Dave

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http://www.steptalk.org/node/214916

I liked how her love interest was seemingly a long term convict. Priceless.

And she felt he was perfect for her, outside of having a kid?  There is SO many ways I can go with that.  I don’t really want too bother.

My ex-wife married a sex offender (at the prison), and she plans on having him live with our kids when he is released later this year.

Sadly, in my home state of Tennessee, a man guilty of molesting a girl as young as 13 can live with minor children! I’ve been trying to pursue things in the domestic court, but there has been nothing but one delay after another.

Dave

Women are retarded… How can they not see that this is a really REALLY bad idea?