I too have been seeking answers for the past year or so, and in the last few months have been reading through the many MGTOW posts. I am a former White Knight and serial blue pill swallower. Forgiven too much, understood too much and “maned up” to my “responsibilities” too much. Unfortunately for me, I had the opportunity to take my first red pill before I got married, but I was just too young and stupid and addicted to sex to swallow it so instead I went for the blue pill. I thought getting married would fix the relations~~~ (worst f~~~ing mistake). My second chance was the classic “I love you but I’m not in love with you”. My stupid little brain saw this not as a flag to turn and run, but as a worthy White Knight “challenge” to regain the heart  of my beloved wife. Third chance I had for the red pill was when she cheated and I caught her. I almost went through with it, but she pulled every trick in the book and lured me into the “Take a break” scheme during which she bombarded me with flattery, compliments, booze food and A LOT of sex. Guess what? Alcohol and sex lead to PREGNANCIES. Blue pill again, since I had to “man up” and be responsible for my pregnant wife and my future child. As you can imagine, from that point, the sex all but stopped (1/month at most), I took a back seat for everything. We moved where she wanted us to move, went on trips she wanted to go, …. I tried everything to get back to a loving husband-wife relationship. We shared house work and we both had jobs. It became a business deal, with the contract of course giving her all the power. We had the second child because she wanted to. I agreed because at that point the only thing I truly loved in life was my kid. I do love both my kids more than anything. During all this time I never stopped trying to make it all better. We would almost never fight because I am very diplomatic. I kept in shape (she is not bad either), I bought gifts, flowers, date nights, lost my friends and kept hers, suggested counseling (her answer: What for? We are very good.). Expressed my desires dreams, wants, and got the same BS: tired, depressed, stress, period, “I don’t know”, etc. So finally, after 13 years (john woods 13) in the relationship (8 married) I decided I had enough rejection so I would give her exactly what she claimed she wanted: I stopped asking for sex, stopped hitting on her, went full father mode with the kids, did everything in the house, entertained all her friends, never went out by myself and with my friends, worked extra hours bringing more money and buying all kinds of crap she wanted, got her the “replacement ring”, … in other words “the perfect husband”. The result was: she became depressed! This was a few months ago. So getting everything she claimed she wanted made her depressed? WTF? It was then that I finally swallowed the RED PILL and realized what the f~~~ women really want: CONTROL. If I did everything she wanted, how could she keep bitching at me and being a control freak? How could she keep barking orders when I did everything beforehand? How could she make me “feel bad” and play the guilt game if I was spending more time with the kids than her, doing most of the house chores and buying all the s~~~ she wanted? What was HER role? That’s why she got “depressed”. Her “job” as taskmaster was irrelevant now and she was left with nothing. Now, just to clarify, she is a good mother, she is not a crazy bitch, she behaves nice both in public and private, but she has the AWALT traits of ice queen, control freak and taskmaster that just kill the male spirit.

I wanted to make this short but it turned out very long, so I apologize (It was so nice to vent).

To conclude, because I love my kids and the situation is not unbearable I am still married, and probably will be until my youngest reaches 18 while also trying to avoid “temptation” as much as possible and also gather resources to go MY WAY. This might disqualify me as MGTOW, which I can’t claim to be yet, but I will stay on course to becoming one in the next 14 years (yeah… some people get that much for murder, and all I did was fall in love). Until then, I will try to impart my experience with the other men here and possibly help “save lives”.

Thank you all for making this format possible and a nice day to you all!

I wholeheartedly agree with your decision to stay for the sake of kids. I admire people (men) who sacrifice for children they fathered.

Never been married, I don’t even want to consider the emotional attachments a man has to a woman he has kids with.

14 years is a long time but not long enough if it leads to self-reliant, well-rounded, mentally sound children.

Having said that, I want to ask you few things: How do you forgive a woman who’s married to you who then spreads her legs for another man? Is your goal for the next 14 years in tune with living the life you have been living thus far? Are you going to make any changes going forward? Have some mistresses/flings on the side?

I don’t mean these questions to come across as interrogative. I am curious.

I have never been married, but I can see your situation as a difficult one. Not going to judge you, since you at least realized what a rotten deal you have instead of keep deluding yourself.

I wish you all the luck in the world! Be strong, and hopefully you will regain your freedom eventually.

Take care.

Cheers.

Immediately start realizing my mistakes, I ignore her, stopped complementing her and boy she was all over me. Didn’t phase me though, my mind is made up. As she went off on her business trip the other day, I didn’t say one word, didn’t help carry a bag or anything. Haven’t spoken to her, she’s texted me and tried to skype, I just ignore everything. We can’t fall for those traps, it’s tough but it’s what has to be done. Otherwise, we will find ourselves in this same situation in another few years.

Just know you can be married and begin your journey to GYOW…what is best for you is what matters. However, your life does matter too…I know you think all that matters are your kids…which is true to an extent…but once they get older they would rather see their Father happy, than bitter. I know I wish my parents had divorced when I was like 10, now they are just both miserable and can’t seem to leave one another.

How do you forgive a woman who’s married to you who then spreads her legs for another man?

Now, I wouldn’t. But at that time, I was very much in love and I was at the height of my White Knight period, so I kept finding excuses for her, blaming myself, blaming the other guy and so forth, except her. I struggled with it for a few months until I had to make myself forgive her or let her go. I could not let her go so I forgave her (never forgave myself though, and never forgot). Believe me, it was a very very bad decision.

Anonymous wrote:

Is your goal for the next 14 years in tune with living the life you have been living thus far? Are you going to make any changes going forward? Have some mistresses/flings on the side?

I will not be living the same life. It will have to be a slow process of change so as not to trigger any warnings (remember, she gets a divorce, I loose my kids). I have already started for the last few months. Focus a lot more on the kids. I have two boys that i want to turn into men not manginas. Focus on myself an my interests(huge backlog there). Work out and keep in shape. Increase my income, hopefully with some money under the table, so I can start building a “freedom fund” for myself. Get even better at managing my emotions and try not to hate her (difficult to live with someone you hate) but not fall for the same tricks again. On the emotions part, I am already very strong.

As for mistresses, f~~~ them! I do not wish to associate myself with any woman whatsoever in any capacity or context. I have yet to see a NAWALT nor am I looking for one. And I will make damn sure that my boys don’t grow up believing in those fairy tales either. Screw the unicorns! I am no longer attracted to even the sexiest girls I see walking by. The big brain has taken over almost entirely. I will give myself the occasional release if I ever feel the need for that.

Also, I am sure that my wife will feel/see my detachment (already has to a point) and will begin her sex luring tactics. I will give it to her from time to time just so she won’t get too anxious and think of divorcing. But that will be that as far as pussy goes.

So, I hope this makes some sense to you, and thanks for the welcome.

However, your life does matter too…I know you think all that matters are your kids…which is true to an extent…but once they get older they would rather see their Father happy, than bitter. I know I wish my parents had divorced when I was like 10, now they are just both miserable and can’t seem to leave one another.

That is the thing. Since my RED PILL, I actually stopped being bitter, and my kids feel it. This is what I set out for myself to do: I will try to give my wife whatever I think she needs to be “happy” or at least content. This is my gift to my kids. I know it’s a mind twist, but think of it in the existing context, where she holds all the cards. To feel bitter you need to care about something, and I don’t. All I care about is raising my kids the way I want to and start doing things for myself. So when she starts playing the blame game or the taskmaster game I don’t care and I don’t get bitter, it’s actually funny for me now. So I anticipate and do stuff she wants. I keep her off my back and acting civilly at home while I focus on my kids and give them a relaxed and tranquil home environment. So because I don’t care about her needs anymore from a lover perspective, during all this time my mind can wander wherever I want it to wonder, and as soon as I am out of the house I go do whatever I want with ZERO remorse and guilt. It’s remorse and guilt that make people bitter. I have none of those now. While I am not yet physically free, I am so psychologically. My mind is free from the guilt garbage that make men bitter.

Thanks for the welcome and for the thought provoking comments. I just hope my answers make sense and I hope they can help other people get new ideas of how to cope with all the indoctrination BS that was fed down our throats.

John Woods 13 wrote:

It’s remorse and guilt that make people bitter. I have none of those now. While I am not yet physically free, I am so psychologically. My mind is free from the guilt garbage that make men bitter.

Very true…and it looks like you have checked out and honestly, it’s like you are already free, just not physically. Same boat here, I’ve checked out mentally but I am not able to check out physically until she gets back.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted on how things are going!