Author Robin Rinaldi did exactly that and wrote about her experiences in her new book, The Wild Oats Project: One Woman’s Midlife Quest for Passion at Any Cost.

Robin Rinaldi had a life that many of us would envy: A great job, a beautiful flat and a thoughtful, loving husband to whom she’d been married to for 16 years. However, when Rinaldi’s husband announced that he was getting a vasectomy and she realized she’d never get what she truly wanted out of life – a child – she took action, declaring “all bets are off.” She decided that if she couldn’t have a child, she was going to enter into an open marriage with her husband where she would spend a year sleeping with as many men (and women) as possible. The end product is The Wild Oats Project, a rollicking read that covers a year of sex, heartache and unexpected revelations.

Although there is plenty of very steamy sex to be found within the pages of The Wild Oats Project, the book isn’t just another gratuitous piece of erotic escapism. In this portrait of herself and her marriage, Rinaldi puts her faults on trial, preferring to self-incriminate rather than blame, revealing a nakedly honest account of one woman’s exploration of her sexuality and marriage.

Rinaldi is careful to point out at the beginning of the book that her story is equal parts a manifesto on personal freedom – and a cautionary tale. We can learn a lot from her experiences, namely that “projects” like Rinaldi’s are often fraught with emotional consequences, and you can never predict where the chips will fall when you’re through.

So, before you draw up a contract of your own with your beloved, here are a few things that we can learn from Rinaldi’s account of her year-long open marriage.

1. You and your partner might want different things out of the experience.

While Rinaldi is excited by the prospect of broadening her sexual horizons, she learns that her husband is more interested in having a meaningful connection with one or two people – a reality that creates conflict in their relationship.

Samantha Fraser is a relationship coach and author of Not Your Mother’s Playground: a realistic guide to honest, happy, and healthy open relationships. As she explains, coming to terms with the fact that you and your partner might want different things from an open marriage is one of the key challenges that couples face when entering into non-monogamy.

“Accepting that equality doesn’t always mean getting the same thing and that what’s more important is that everyone’s desires, wants, and feelings are being acknowledged, no matter how different they might be, is key to making it work,” says Fraser.

2. Boundaries are important and need to be respected.

When Rinaldi and her husband Scott embark on the “project” together, they set up very clear boundaries and rules. However, all hell breaks loose when both parties end up breaking the rules in different, but equally emotionally jarring ways. This leads to a lot of hurt, anguish, guilt and jealousy on both ends.

Cooper S. Beckett is the author of My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. As he explains, “Opening up to non-monogamy can feel like taking away all the safety nets below the high wire.” This is why many couples will establish rules such as “not in our bed” or “not with anyone we know” before entering into an open marriage. “Having rules and boundaries established can mitigate risk (when the rules are related to safer sex) and reduce jealous feelings (because you know your partner isn’t going to binge watch Daredevil with their new playmate and not wait for you),” says Beckett.

3. You owe it to yourself to explore your sexuality and be the most authentic version of yourself, however be aware that this may come at a price.

While completing The Wild Oats Project, Rinaldi found passion and unearthed a deeper understanding of herself as a person. We all owe it to ourselves to explore our sexuality so we can live as authentically as possible. However in Rinaldi’s case, this self-knowledge came at a cost. Namely, the eventual dissolution of her marriage. In other words, let your freak-flag fly – just be prepared the potential consequences of your actions.

While completing The Wild Oats Project, Rinaldi found passion and unearthed a deeper understanding of herself as a person. We all owe it to ourselves to explore our sexuality so we can live as authentically as possible. However in Rinaldi’s case, this self-knowledge came at a cost. Namely, the eventual dissolution of her marriage. In other words, let your freak-flag fly – just be prepared the potential consequences of your actions

I love the hamster wheel on this one…

Geez…

She decided that if she couldn’t have a child, she was going to enter into an open marriage with her husband where she would spend a year sleeping with as many men (and women) as possible.

her husband is more interested in having a meaningful connection with one or two people

Hahaha…so she went out and turned into a whore while her husband found her replacement.  Something tells me he got an upgrade, while all she got was a few months of fun followed by years of regret.  Clearly she was only doing this to strike back at her husband for getting a vasectomy…looks like he won, twice.

“…if the husband even knew she was going on this “journey of self discovery and awakening”.

Euphemism: a generally innocuous expression used in place of one that may be found offensive or suggest something unpleasant.

PUA:  “Tickle your ass with a feather      ???!!      cough cough”Typically nasty weather”

Drunk: “shshove a feather up your ass?”  ???!!     “uugghh….pretty f~~~ed up weather”

Truth: the husband here has gotten something shoved up his ass by her.

“journey of self discovery and awakening”.  give me an effing break. Slam dump the whore. “You want to get on the ‘c~~~ carousel’ now and stay married?” = He needs to get off the ‘c~~~ rollercoaster.’

The fact that this behavior not only is accepted, but APPLAUDED by other women speaks freaking volumes of their gender. And then they want to portrait MEN as the ones that are “sex addicts”.

Men, when they think they found a good woman, have self control. WOMEN DON’T, NO MATTER HOW GOOD THEIR PARTNER IS.

This “journey of self discovery and awakening” sounds more like an excuse to be whores.

The hamster wheel is indeed strong on this one.

Men, when they think they found a good woman, have self control. WOMEN DON’T, NO MATTER HOW GOOD THEIR PARTNER IS.

so true…

she was going on this “journey of self discovery and awakening”:

Hahaha…so she went out and turned into a whore while her husband found her replacement.

No, no, whores are professionals who expect to be paid. She is merely a hobbyist. Yes, I’d bet he got the upgrade, although he should have learned his lesson and stayed single. Once burned, twice shy, and all that.

Oh yes … she’s is indeed a whore ☺