Today she called me saying that I had been saying hurtful things about her to others and that I never come over unless I want things. She claims she heard this from “multiple people”. I know a bunny boiler I cut ties with a long awhile ago has been schmoozing up to her HARD lately and that bunny’s friends also come by and talk to my mom. I knew the bunny was up to something and tried to warn my mom, but the bunny was “so nice” that mom didn’t listen. Now mom calls and it sounds like she’s disowned me because Bunny Boiler has been spreading lies and having her friends echo them so “it came from more than one person”. She didn’t even have the guts to say it directly: she just garbled stuff, hinted at disowning me and hung up on me. Magic Jack is now “down” again so I can’t call to clarify. She would just break down into a mess and start crying/screaming if I showed up in person, so I’m just letting things be for now.

Mom’s been pretty useless as a person. She was a high school dropout beach bunny who has never held a full time job and generally relied on a man or Uncle Sam for support. The only times she has gotten any education was because I made her. It’s sad having a five year old make mom go get a GED. She can’t support herself and doesn’t even try. One time I went to pick her up to take her to an interview (her junker broke) and she was wearing a sweat suit because “it’s a laid back place”. She whined at me because I was in shock at her wearing that to an interview, and then blamed me for her not getting the job as “I made her nervous”. She got disability (she really does have problems) and uses that to get pity from others.

I left home because mom’s friend leaked to me that mom was going to keep my inheritance when my dad died then kick me out unless I give her half of anything I make. Apparently it kept nagging on her conscience so she warned me! It was the final blow. Mom had been progressively less and less kind since dad had died and was forever blaming me saying my girlfriend and I stole her savings, even though I know it was her own mom that did it. Grandma even told my mom that she “found money under the rug” so she went on a shopping spree, but mom forgot so it’s my fault and she’s never forgotten it even to this day. I left and moved in with my girlfriend (Hey- I was fresh out of high school. I had an excuse to be stupid.) but she ditched me in another town three months later when she’d spent all my money. Mom bailed me out by letting me move back in, but then started to bitch: make money or get into college.

So I did both. It wasn’t much money, but I gave her half of everything minus bus fare as school and work came first. I had to pay for everything for my everyday life out of pocket (she wouldn’t even let me join her for dinner) and I slept on the couch. When mom got a new boyfriend who didn’t like that I would protect my little brother from his drunken attacks, he demanded that I be kicked out. She left me on the streets with my stuff in boxes because the boyfriend made more money than me. She tells everyone it was” tough love”. She left the boyfriend within the year when his booze started eating up all his money and part of hers as well. I was homeless for six months, lived in a closet after that, then slowly worked my way up and am slowly working my way up still. She also holds it against me for not letting her move in with me when she lost her apartment due to stupid stuff despite the fact that I found her a new place and her current room mate and helped her pack and move everything on top of it.

So here I am, guys: looks like mom has disowned me because Bunny Boiler gives her more stuff than I do and says nice things while feeding into mom’s preconceptions that I’m a terrible person who abandoned their disabled mother. I have tried to stay silent but I’m tired of this. I have honestly tried to do good by her without letting her run my life or sap my money but nothing is ever enough unless she has it all.

My bro already has walked away and maybe calls twice a year at best. He still mails Christmas gifts, but dodges the rest as he’s in another state. She didn’t even call on my birthday but she calls bro frequently (even if he doesn’t answer) and sometimes sends him a present. Admittedly, he’s always been the favorite anyway so he gets away with no reproach in general.

I’m tempted to mail the presents I already bought her when Christmastime comes around (I collect gifts year-round to lower the impact), then never bug her again. Would this be vengeful, just, or a bad idea? More thoughts on where to go from here?

Now mom calls and it sounds like she’s disowned me

@Umbreon I feel bad your mom is the way she is. With that aside……

Disowned? think about that for a second….  Who “owns” you? You? Take title to your life and claim “self” ownership! You need to look forward and blow off that s~~~ty situation!

Imagine yourself as the owner of a car,,, Who’s the driver? Who pays mechanical costs? Who gets f~~~ed for speeding? Who pays for others abusing your car? YOU DO! Don’t let people in your life that abuse you in any way, shape, or form! The more respect you have for yourself by keeping your person polished, clean, and running good and strong, the more you will deny others to abuse it by sitting on the hood and scratching the paint, then burning the interior because they smoke, and to top things off, they’ll drive it recklessly!

Self ownership, remember that, “self” ownership.

“Out of sight, out of mind.”

and

“Time heals all wounds.”

are factual statements.

It is not your job to repair the bridges she’s burned.

Walk away.

Umbreon wrote:

I’m tempted to mail the presents I already bought her when Christmastime comes around (I collect gifts year-round to lower the impact), then never bug her again. Would this be vengeful, just, or a bad idea? More thoughts on where to go from here?

I would be tempted to give those presents to a nice charity and send her a dollar store Xmas card. I would not get within her reach ever again. That’s just me, but I see it echoes the sentiments of the previous posts.

Edit: This brings back fond memories. The short version is you are not alone. This kind of thing happens a lot. (Remember that video where the teenage son would not get out of the car? I think it’s in the Archives.)

I was in the clutches of a bunny boiler once. Actually, she was more like scissors girl in Play Misty for Me.

Fortunately for everyone she never met my family. I had rigged things so that family lived a long day’s drive away. She did know my circle of friends, which is how I met her, and she did her best to poison the well for me. It worked. I had to find a new circle of friends. The women all took her side and dragged their boyfriends along with them.

So here I am, guys: looks like mom has disowned me because Bunny Boiler gives her more stuff than I do and says nice things while feeding into mom’s preconceptions that I’m a terrible person who abandoned their disabled mother.

I am curious @umbreon.  Does your mom watch ‘Days of Our Lives’?  Maybe you should take her TV away from her.