Of course, she’s pushing for the ring, marriage and kids, you know the routine, she’s got the house, so now she wants to fill it up with kids and stuff.  I guess I don’t fault her for that.  I would say our annual income discrepancy is about 30K, and I also had about 60K in assets, she had nothing (or at least claims she had nothing to contribute towards the house. One accidental pregnancy a year and a half ago, while she was on the pill (not sure she actually was still taking it), followed by a miscarriage put a hell of a lot of strain on the relationship.  Her priorities completely refocused to having a kid now, that became all that is important.  We went from birth control, to accidental pregnancy, to now I must have kids and I’m off birth control.  So far she hasn’t got pregnant again.

I’m hoping I can write here without some fembot judgement along the lines of “you insensitive f~~~face, she had a miscarriage, you should be sensitive to her needs.”  Trust me, I’ve been sensitive for the better part of a year.  Sex has declined drastically.  Her attitude has changed.  My fun outgoing girlfriend became sullen and depressed, and won’t do much about it.  She thinks having a baby will fix all of this.  Mood swings are the norm.  Also the weight gain, 65 pounds later, she’s lost confidence, but doesn’t seem to be doing a lot about it.

You could chalk this up to miscarriage, depression and go with it, but eventually things have to turn around right?  Yeah right.  I suggested she start exploring career options or school to get a better job so that we could earn more to take care of kids in the future.  You know what I got?  Tears galore, and told I’m an asshole who thinks of kids like they’re a numbers game.  Basically she all but said, once I get pregnant and have a kid buddy, you’re taking care of us, because I’m done with my s~~~ty job.  Great.

Why would I want to marry this and have kids?  I loved her a lot, she was my friend and we were great together  Now, I feel like I can’t have a serious adult conversation anymore because I don’t know if she’s going to get upset and cry.  I’m pushing up on late 30’s and she’s pushing for kids.  Of late the ultimatum has been “If there are no kids, there is no US”  I don’t want to end up divorced, with child support payments and kids I  don’t see when I’m 50.

So I’m asking, is anyone here actually married?  What warning signs did you look for before you got married?  Did you get a pre-nup?  How did she take that?  What benefit does Marriage afford to men, given the HUGE financial risk, particularly if kids are involved.  Edit:  Basically I’m tired of being told I’m a man-child for actually wanting to think though marriage and *gasp* get a prenup before I do it.  You can’t talk to women about this s~~~, they look at you like you have a third arm growing out of your head.  Basically the only advice I get from friends is “LOL don’t get married”.

Look man, you’re not in charge of her happiness.  But you are in charge of yours.  Seriously consider your options now before you don’t have any.

Nobody can tell you how to live your life, but if I was back in the stage of my life that you are at now, knowing what I know now… I would have broken off my relationship and severed all contact without a SECOND of hesitation.

You owe it to yourself to spend a couple of nights reading through this website.  You’ll get no fembot judgement here, but you’ll find most of our responses won’t be as sugar coated as this one was.

I’m hoping I can write here without some fembot judgement along the lines of “you insensitive f~~~face, she had a miscarriage, you should be sensitive to her needs.”

I can assure you that you will not receive this response on this forum.  I am fairly new here but I have already seen the mods enforce the “Men Only” policy.  I have never been married so I can’t respond from direct experience what “the signs are”.  However, a lot of the men here have been married or are in the throes of divorce right now.

My experience from watching what my friends in real life have gone through does not paint a rosy picture for your future with this woman.  In my experience if such demanding and selfish behavior has already begun before she even has the legal commitment of marriage or a child it is only likely to increase the more of a hold she has over you.

I know that this is not exactly what you want to hear, as you stated quite clearly that you love her; but, it is the truth as I see it.  I would suggest that you stick around and chat with some of the members who have been married and divorced to hear their input on your situation before you make any hasty and irreversible decisions in regards to your future with this woman.

just my 2 cents

and BTW welcome to the forum

Holy cow… you have a lot of reading to do on this web site. I can’t even cliff notes it all for you here, but all I can say (from experience) is that all of the good parts of your relationship are done (yes even any future sex is going to be sad from now on), and all of the ways she is making you feel s~~~ty about yourself will not ever end and are going to get MUCH worse from here… for the remainder of the time you are with her. Period. Nobody can tell you how to live your life, but if I was back in the stage of my life that you are at now, knowing what I know now… I would have broken off my relationship and severed all contact without a SECOND of hesitation. You owe it to yourself to spend a couple of nights reading through this website. You’ll get no fembot judgement here, but you’ll find most of our responses won’t be as sugar coated as this one was.

Well…s~~~.  Appreciate the honesty though.  Problem is I do love her a lot, she’s a generally good person.  I really thought she was the one.  I like to think this isn’t entirely some scripted plan on her part to get pregnant…then…what?  Get fat on the couch?  I’d hope between me working 2 jobs and trying to better my career she’d have more ambition though.  I want her to be happy, I would truly like that so things would be like they were early on. I dunno, I’m just a loyal guy who was in love.  Still am but the relationship has been tested a lot lately.

I don’t hate women, I’m all about fair.  What should I be reading first?  I’m already 80% decided Marriage is a ridiculous option in this day and age, the benefit all sees to flow one way.

@entropy said it best. START READING THE ARCHIVE.

What I’m seeing here is the start of the end of YOU. No matter what decision you make, the result will be the same ….. the end of your relationship as you know it.

Learn here about what women really want and how absolutely f~~~ed you will become if she wishes it.

Also give the family law a little look up …. it won’t take long … trust me.

This is the end of the beginning for you and the start of a very slow and painful destroying of your worth.

There are only two ways out that I see. Numb yourself by overdosing on blue pills and walk blindly to your fate ….. like a soldier going over the top or ….. take the red pill and walk away.

There will be pain either way but at least with one you get another chance and maintain YOU.

This is an awful situation and my thoughts are with you.

YOU MUST NOT F~~~ HER OR IF YOU DO …. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THAT IS NOW THE TRAP.

Take care brother …. we are here.

Otherwise, start in the archives and meander about, reading what peaks your interest.  Trying to take in all of the knowledge you’ll have access to here is like trying to drink from a fire hose… but don’t be intimidated, this is the only place (that I’ve ever found) that is here for YOUR benefit and nothing more.

Notice the lack of advertisements?  Notice the lack of females? Notice the instant, sincere honesty?

I guess the question really is… do you want kids… if not run. Do you think she will pull her own weight if you have kids?

There might be something in this book for you starting around page 145 on relationships/marriage, I’m currently reading it.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B25bqEJSyCeZVU81ZXJPYzJUS0E/edit

Also the weight gain, 65 pounds later, she’s lost confidence, but doesn’t seem to be doing a lot about it.

65 pounds, wow… It’s like you’re dating one and a half of her now…  You came to the right place… she has no respect for herself,  and people who don’t respect themselves have no respect for others.

Canadian SportsFan wrote:

I suggested she start exploring career options or school to get a better job so that we could earn more to take care of kids in the future.  You know what I got?  Tears galore, and told I’m an asshole who thinks of kids like they’re a numbers game.

Think about how much of your positive energy and time she is draining, you never get this back.. One day you may look back and say, yeah I could have chased that dream, or pursued that goal, but you chose to entertain her uselessness instead, and where did it get you, ruined. All because you wanted to play “hide the weenie”, really?

Canadian SportsFan wrote:

What warning signs did you look for before you got married?  Did you get a pre-nup?

She is trapping you into a child, MASSIVE RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!

Mention the prenup and watch her true colors come to life, but if you really respect yourself, you’ll remove her before that…

Let me guess, her getting fat is all your fault right?

To answer your question directly I am married.

I walked into it blindly under social pressure from… everywhere. Do not let this person be you.

My personal urge to reproduce and have a son was very strong. Well I got that. But I also had to marry a crazy to get it. I’m constantly biting my tongue and preparing for s~~~ storms and waiting for him to be older to try and get custody of him. It’s a crappy way to live and she’s not even half as nuts as some of the women discussed on here. The true crazy will come out of her though, it’s only a matter of time.

So please read up and don’t walk blindly into anything. I wish I had found MGTOW sooner and read these pages before I signed the contract.

And please stop having sex with her. Seriously. Don’t even do the “not delivering the mail inside of her trick”. It doesnt work.  Condoms aren’t 100% either so don’t count on them. DO NOT LET HER GET AT YOUR SPERM.

Good luck, get reading and see you on here.