That being said, I’m seeking some serious advice.  Sorry for the long read ahead of time…

I’m almost 30, married for ~4 years, no kids, and own a home together.

As of about the last 6 months, I’ve been getting this crushing feeling of just wanting to cut all ties, move across the country, and do whatever the hell I want with my life.  I wouldn’t say that I don’t love my wife anymore, but the feelings have DEFINITELY gone wayyyyy downhill since we’ve been together.  I feel lost, and mostly, trapped.  I want to live a life for myself more than anything.

The Pros:

– She has a solid job and is very career oriented

– We have fun together…most of the time.

– She supports me in my goals for the most part.

– She’s very attractive

– She has a solid family and they love me.

Cons:

-Sex is about a 1-2x monthly occasion.

– As previously mentioned, I’m losing feelings for her.

– She’s starting to nag and complain a lot more lately.

– She’s starting to doubt my career (I’m an entrepreneur) and it’s making me doubt myself as well.

– She keeps telling me to show her more affection, and I don’t really want to most of the time.

Kicker #1 –  I’m moving away for about 10 months for work, and she’s staying back here at home because of her job.  The weird thing is, I’m not sad or upset one ounce about it.  I’m actually really looking forward to having my own place, doing my own thing, and being able to focus on myself.

Kicker #2 – I was a stupid 21 year old and was married for all of about 4 months before.  It was a pretty clean split and not much really happened besides a quick meeting with a lawyer and all was said and done.  This doesn’t bother me at all, I don’t hold a grudge or dwell on it whatsoever.  But, I know that my family and friends still remember it and I feel as if they look down on me for it.   I feel as though that if I were to get another divorce before the ripe young age of 30, I will be looked down upon even more by people that I care about.

I feel like I know what I need to do, both for myself and for her sanity, as I do still care for her and don’t wish bad things upon her at all.  I just can’t overcome these feelings I’ve been having.  Part of me hopes that the time apart will make me realize that I’m being a dumbass about this whole situation and just going through a “phase”, but the other part of me thinks that I need to pull the trigger and move on.  On top of all that, I REALLY don’t want to go through a divorce again, although my first was essentially a breeze, I’m worried that things might get messy this time.

I’m confused.  I never thought I would come to posting my life story on a web forum but I’m looking for (hopefully) unbiased input and advice.  This may not exactly be the best place for it 😀 but at the same time it does.

Looking forward to what ya’ll have to say.

Cheers.

Welcome to the group. You will find a lot of different perspectives to the questions you ask.

So you have been married for 4 years, have sex occasionally 1 to 2 times a month, she complains and nags to you and you have no kids. Your  head is telling you the answer the you truly are looking for. Its is screaming —GET OUT NOW!!!!

If you stay , you will have a miserable life. How I know because I have lived it. Yes I did get married of my own free will, yes I decided I wanted to have kids (who I love) but life only gets more complicated over time. Its starts off with you falling in love with each other. You both make the promises to each other that  its the two of you against the world . This works for a period of time then it followed by :

— getting an apartment together,

— followed by the house,

—then first kid comes followed by a second and maybe a third,

—  then all the expense associated with bring up the family come up next — you work like a dog to support your family ,

—-then this is followed by her becoming unhappy because you are working your ass off to support your family– she complains the she needs more attention but neglects you in the bedroom — sex comes to a grinding halt !!

Once she becomes unhappy, you will think it your job to make her happy ( I got a secret for you– ITS NOT YOUR F~~~N JOB TO MAKE HER HAPPY!!!). You will work all day and start picking up the  her slack again to make her happy!!. The more you do around the house ,the more she nags and the more she doesn’t respect you!! It’s a vicious cycle but that’s what we are told to do by society as we were growing up.

The next thing you know she has here self parked in front of either her cell phone and computer talking with friends– this leads to her finally having an affair and you are taken to divorce court because she wants out. She is f~~~ing someone else.. Now you can see this as a good sign or a bad one.

The blue pill will get angry, tell her he still loves her and will do anything to win her back.

The red pill guy see the situation for what it is, has already prepared his exit strategy and see this as an opportunity to move to a better place in life.

My question to you — which way do you see this? as an opportunity to make yourself happy or will you be a blue pill guy that gets mad as hell and will try to do anything to win her make?

The choice is your?  what is your answer?

I did the somewhat opposite of what you did…..single until I was almost 41.  The rest is a parallel universe.  The same s~~~…not enough attention, I don’t compliment her enough, I could make more money, etc.  Six and a half years into our marriage and she bangs a guy on one of her out of town trips (actually went out of town to attend her stepfather’s funeral…..who she hated).

While I never really got over it, I learned to live with it.  (Cheaper to keep her mentality).  That mentality is a LOSING mentality.  There is no damn way one can be happy with an attitude like that.  I wasn’t miserable, as I simply started a steady diet of little red pills.  I was somewhere in between happy and miserable, but I felt stuck.  I landed a job that I hated, only to be home more often to take care of her needs.  You see, that was part of her controlling personality….she bombarded me with her wants and needs.

And I needed to be home more often.  Never mind my career aspirations or the fact that I’m in the big money portion of my life.  So I plodded along for three more years and then she sprung it on me.  She wants a divorce.  And she’s a lesbian.  Bye bye.

In my experience, women who promulgate that they’re not getting enough attention usually find a way to get it.  Just not with you.  I was also confused at the end of my relationship with my ex.  But it didn’t last long (confusion).    And yes, the divorce process sucks.  But it’s better than plodding along….somewhere between happy & miserable.

Just my two cents; your mileage may vary.

And it’s also fake as f~~~.You are the only one that made that promise honestly, and when/if you realize it, it will be far too late.

Keep this at the back of your mind, other than that you’ve said you’re worried about the divorce being a hassle.The thing is doing it later is only going to make it more of a hassle.

Now on the positive side if by some miracle your wife is how you describe her and isn’t faking it, she’s probably the best woman you could spend your life with compared to the putrid s~~~ the other ones are.

If you decide to stay with her guard your sperm like your whole life depends on it

the funny thing is it actually does.

Ultimately you’re your own man and keep in mind what i’ve said is heavily biased.It comes from my personal experience and from what i observed to happen with others.You asked for an unbiased opinion, i apologize this is all i have to offer.Good luck!

Your a man who wants to be free.

Your mental well being is next to be tested.

Its no fun fighting for your sanity no matter how beautiful your opponent is.

With emotional battles she will always have the advantage.

If you can lose all f~~~s. (None to give) There becomes a chance for your escape.

Good luck and best wishes for your happiness, as they also say when you get married..

No matter how pretty a woman is, part of my attraction and desire for her is in direct proportion to her being willing and eager for me also. I don’t desire someone who can’t convince me she has genuine desire for me. I find it easy to lose all f~~~s and cares when they hold out the only valuable thing they have to offer..Having a beautiful woman you can only look at is not good enough.

So you have been married for 4 years, have sex occasionally 1 to 2 times a month, she complains and nags to you and you have no kids. Your  head is telling you the answer the you truly are looking for. Its is screaming —GET OUT NOW!!!!

Says it for me.

I went through the same pattern with my LTRs. It seems to be built in male-female relations.

EDIT: I’ve never been married, so the breakups involved little more than packing my personal belongings. A divorce with property will involve lawyers, paperwork, etc. Make sure your lawyer is a good one. You don’t necessarily want the guy who plays golf with opposing counsel.

The 10 months away should help you learn to know yourself much better, but don’t be surprised if the locks are changed when you return.

End it, before kids come into the picture.

PS. Extended family and their opinions can p~~~ right off. Its your life, not theirs.

Here are some “alone” thoughts from a mgtow who has had a s~~~ ride. Worth a look I reckon.

Listen up.  That is EXACTLY where you are headed if you don’t change directions.  Choose wisely while you still have good choices.  It is hard to do at your age, but you’ve got to set aside other people’s expectations and possible condemnation to get a clear picture of reality.  The disruption, pain, and relational trauma will be temporary and in five years it will be way behind you.

If you decide to split – you MUST make sure she dumps you, and not the other way around.