My Mother was very loving, and so were my Grandmothers.  I do not have any siblings, and my parents separated very shortly after I was born.  I was back and forth between my Father and my Mother, but the majority of the time I was raised by my Mother and my Grandmother.  So really, I was raised in a female household.  I contain no hate for my Mother or Grandmother, and do not harbor any negative feelings for THEM, as they were women.

As I grew up, I was the fat, introverted loner who got bullied and ended up being isolated for much of my childhood.  As much as I wanted to fit in with my peers, I was rejected, time after time after time.  The cruelest bullies were my MALE peers.  I wasn’t bullied by females much.  But I didn’t have any female friends, either.

As I grew older, I never thought about women much.  I didn’t come to the realization that something might be different about me until the past few years.  I know that I’m an introvert, a loner, but I also believe that I might fit into the asexual category as well.  To be honest, I have never really had a strong desire for female company, nor sex with a female either.  There have been a few times that I have attempted friendships with women, but overall, I find it to be exhausting and not very worthwhile for how much effort it takes to succeed with women.

Therefore, that is a brief introduction as to why I feel as if I am MGTOW.  It isn’t so much as a personal choice as it is the lifestyle I have always known.  Does anyone else here share any similarities to the way I feel about my circumstances?

When I wanted time with women I would hire an escort or go to a brothel. Even lost my virginity to a prostitute. Seemed easier and cheaper in the long run even though it wasn’t my preferred choice. I was also very shy and quiet and lacked confidence and the patience to play the dating games.

Like you I was also bullied as a kid and when I would fight back it was quite brutal. I felt isolated and as a result I never developed the social skills and understanding of social situations like others seemed to do.

I saw women as these incredible creatures, I wanted to believe the absolute best in them, I treated them well when I was around them and it didn’t take me long to realize that they didn’t want to be treated well, unless that was in a material sense. As I got older I started to notice that they were incredibly shallow and self centered, that despite not wanting to see them as whores they did their best to make me see otherwise.

I noticed that when I would confide in them that it often spelled the end of any contact, that when I tried to relate to them that it just didn’t work, but when I didn’t care and just sweet talked them they loved it, they liked my bulls~~~ as again the spotlight was on them.

So here I am at 41 and I have given up, I was even in a strip club a couple of weeks back and I was totally unaffected, women approached me ground up against me trying to get me to buy a lap dance and I just wasn’t interested, in fact I was bored by it. Tried the Sugar Daddy thing, thought I might be able to have some dates and romantic fantasies on my terms, never bothered actually doing it as again the women were self absorbed and despite wanting my money they still wanted it all on their terms.

I’m actually MGTOW though for reasons other than women. I’m MGTOW because society has turned it’s back on Men, especially White men and I no longer want to be bound by what they think a man should be like.

You are so right about modern society turning its back on men, and specifically white men for that matter.  In another thread I posted in today, I shared my thoughts about how I felt like such an alien in today’s modern society, but that there was no where else to go to truly fit in or escape the perils of modern society.

I visited a strip club once.  I felt terribly uncomfortable.  Women approaching me, asking me for dances.  That’s not a legitimate interest.  They are only coming up to me because I’m in a strip club, where men go to pay women to dance.  What a f~~~ing joke.  I don’t want to go back to a strip club.

I, too, visited my first “prostitute” in January of this year, just a few months ago.  I went to pay for a blowjob.  She sucked and sucked and sucked, almost for an hour straight.  I kept going soft and never came.  She even climbed up and rode me for a short while, and she had an almost instant orgasm.  Once again, the whole experience was somewhat creepy and dirty feeling.  I didn’t get any enjoyment out of the experience, to be honest.

So really, I don’t know what I want, or how to fix myself.  It’s hard being an introverted loner in this society that expects one to be a social butterfly, regardless of how much people are staring at their electronic devices.

Another one of my straight friends commented on how he went to the gay pride festival in Chicago last weekend just to dance with random girls.  I would never have any desire to do such a thing.  Most men honestly have their jaws drop for any good looking pussy that struts her stuff.  I was absolutely NEVER this way, so once again, it’s hard to fit in.  I do know, for sure, that I am not a homosexual, though.  That I am very confident of, at the very least.

I, too, visited my first “prostitute” in January of this year, just a few months ago. I went to pay for a blowjob. She sucked and sucked and sucked, almost for an hour straight. I kept going soft and never came. She even climbed up and rode me for a short while, and she had an almost instant orgasm. Once again, the whole experience was somewhat creepy and dirty feeling. I didn’t get any enjoyment out of the experience, to be honest.

Yeah I get that. The second time I had sex which was also with an escort she was riding me and all of a sudden she stops and says “Look ma no hands” I was painfully naive and had no idea what she meant. I also didn’t cum myself. Anyway, afterwards I came across her expression in a book (The net was just in it’s early infancy at the time) and I smiled and laughed, I made her cum! lol

I bruised her ego a fair bit actually by not cumming. Kind of funny really. She worked like hell too, even stayed longer than what I had paid for.

It’s good that you are not a slave for pussy. It’s something men have to stop being if they want freedom. That doesn’t mean they have to hate women or avoid them, just not be ruled by their c~~~s.

This prostitute also called me “daddy” but was only a few years younger than me.  I thought that was odd.  I was like “I’m not your dad.”

That must be the emotionally desensitized loner within me.  Most people enjoy the contact with another human.  I don’t feel anything when it comes to that.  I’m like a rock.

I didn’t have sex, so It’s hard for me to know if I would even like it. Im sure you will find my posts (and posts of people with similar experiences) scattered around the forum’s topics. You are not alone.

S~~~ty that you got bullied man, me and my friend got bullied (he got more physical aspect of it, I was pressed on more psychologically as my mother worked in school).

At one point, we fought back our own bullies: My friend was pushed all day long, atlast he exploded, jumped on one and smacked his head in to the floor couple of times).

My breaking point was: one day a guy talked smack about my mother with his “friends” in front of me, while smirking in my face.

Same day, once I had an opportunity and got alone in class with him, I took the opportunity – on an arms choke. (I was in russian unarmed fighting at the time, and judo years before. I became very confident, but  I was the smallest kid in class and never aggressive or fighting, a good kid what got p~~~ed off).

We had way better time at school, enjoying our time and learning, after we fought back. Occasionally, idiots still poked a bit on us, but It was nothing.

Years later, after we finished school, we celebrated it together without the class, as our “F~~~ You” to all, we didn’t arrive at celebration.

Anyway, I wish you all the success in further life, study and graduation.

No matter what happens, live the life and make the most of it.