is this a good idea?

I ate a woman prosecutor alive and spit her out dead, I’ve had a woman lawyer tossed under my proverbial bus crushing her flat too, I would not trust a woman lawyer, They’re dead in the pit of justice, the can’t fight, it’s not in there nature, get a MGTOW b~~~~ out to the wall lawyer. Men fight much better than women! Mangina’s not withstanding!

Ill be a proud motherfuker when this is done

I had a halfway-out gay male lawyer. He was damn good in court. Ripped up my ex’s high-priced lawyer pretty good in the initial appearance.

Find a good male lawyer that is recommended. Big thing is what is their case load.  I saw it with my lawyer, once they get overloaded, the defense you get starts slipping. If you are never getting your calls returned, don’t hesitate to fire him and get someone else.  After a critical hearing that my lawyer was obviously unprepared for (altho he did think well on this feet), I got a new one and he finished out strong for me.

Brace yourself, brother. You are likely about to enter a s~~~storm you cannot fathom at this point.

If it is contested and she lawyers up, the courts will likely make you cover her legal fees since she is unemployed. So you will be doubling up (at least) on fees.

My lawyer was $200/hour. Her lawyer was $400/hour. I was ‘lucky’ because she was employed and I ‘only’ had to pay $16K of her legal fees.

Also be prepared to hear in court how you abused her, drove her to quit her job and do drugs.

But yes im sure ill get accused of forcing her to f~~~ another guy, do the drugs, also im the reason shes suicidal :/  Getting her to sign a new agreement would be best I know but i need legal advice on some other matters as well. For example at what point can I leave her high and dry? Move out, take her off my insurance ,my phone contract, etc….Bad thing is we agreed to splitting custody and i don’t want to leave my daughter with someone who will probably be on the streets when i move out…I don’t know what to do…beginning to stress

If she does find a job soon and I redo the papers with her new employment and child support figured in…can i move out? anyone know

OK, standard disclaimer bulls~~~: I am not a lawyer, I don’t know the laws for your state or how a judge (on any given day) will rule.  I am also not a clairvoyant.  And lastly, free advice is worth what you pay for it.  That said, I have been through two divorces, first one was one of those scorched-earth nightmares you hear about that slowly grinds through the courts.  The second I did myself.  And I have also had to modify/re-file parenting decrees and have helped friends with their divorces.  So I have seen some s~~~, as have others on this site who will chime in. With that I will throw out some thoughts.

If you filed and she had a job and now she doesn’t, that is not an issue.  As of the filing she had a job.  Don’t worry about re-filing.  In fact, it might work in your favor as it shows she is employable.  That is a good thing.

Bottom line up front, based on what I know, here is my advice:  Work out an agreement with her on how to split everything.  Decide how she will roll off your cell plan, when she will move out, what property you split and, oh-so-important, money.  She will want cash to move out, get an apartment, and will want some alimony for a set period while she blows her new boyfriend and does drugs gets on her feet.  Be logical and try to compromise.  Be prepared to pay out for her leave.  Keep in mind if it goes to court you will have to pay out anyway plus pay the lawyers to decide for you.  Work out all the details and then go to a lawyer to have him draft a divorce and parenting decree.  He can take your list of agreements and turn it into a decree that works to protect you.  Since you have already filed, show him a copy, and he can file an amendment or a new petition.  Review the documents he creates carefully.  When you are happy have her read them.  Hopefully, if you move quickly before she goes Chernobyl, you can both sign and file.

Keep in mind everything is negotiable.  Insurance maybe one exception.  Every state I have looked at requires, at a minimum, to cover her while in divorce proceedings.  Maybe you can offer to cover her till end of year and next enrollment.

Kids exponentially make it tougher.  I recommend that you keep it joint custody as she will agree to that and courts like to see that.  Don’t worry about her housing situation right now.  My experience is that it usually works out in your favor in the case you describe.  Even tho decree says 50/50 parenting time she will realize she can’t take the kids right now and you will get them de facto while the chips fall.  If she really unravels and doesn’t get a place, you can re-file for primary, full or sole because it is in the best interest in the kids.  But pushing for more right now will likely result in her digging in your heals.

Once you both sign and file, it is up to a judge to approve decree.  They like to see people agree on their own, and as long it is reasonable, he will sign.

Most lawyers will give you an initial consultation for around $250.  Take advantage of this.  Bring as MUCH documentation as you can to get as much as advice as you can before he starts billing you at $250+ and hour in 15 minute increments.  (e.g.  Send your lawyer a text? that will be $62.50 for him to read it).

Start protecting your assets.  Start arranging your cash, particularly new inflows so she can’t get her hands on it.  This is a balancing act as courts frown upon wholesale account clean-outs, but on the flip side they don’t do s~~~ about it.  First thing her lawyer will tell her (if she doesn’t do it on her own) is clean out any joint accounts.  Man, I have been there.  Woke up one morning and my account that was previously at $7500 was now -$1,200.  If you have personal property that is valuable, give it to a friend.

Start making arrangements if you are kicked out of your house.  Again, from experience, one morning you might wake up to knock on the door with the Police standing there and you have 10 minutes to get out because your suddenly ‘abused’ wife says that she fears for her life and filed a restraining order.  Doesn’t matter if anything actually happened and it doesn’t matter if it is your house.

Collect documentation.  Screen capture text messages.  Print emails.  Take pictures showing she is not a good person.  Find pictures that show you are great dad and spend time with your kids.  Look for anything that shows you have your s~~~ together and she does not.

This is a subject I have some experience with, and will share. I’m the youngest kid in a large family and have had the chance to learn much watching and learning from the mistakes of siblings and other people. With the set of older siblings that I have, some have joked that I should have an honorary PhD in the mistakes of other people. I have had a ring side seat to almost a dozen divorces. Still, I made one marriage mistake of my own (married for 2 years about a decade ago), but was able to minimize the damage using some of the what I’d learned.

Watching the divorce of a financially successful older sibling get a divorce from a cocaine addict, I gained a couple of insights. The most important, and most difficult thing to do in a divorce is to set your emotions aside and focus on the money. Specifically, there is a very good chance that you will be so p~~~ed off at her that you will make a decision to tell your lawyer to do something to make her life miserable (and I agree she deserves it) when the time comes to make that decision. Try not to do this.

Your lawyer (all divorce lawyers) count on this. The madder you are, the more profitable for the lawyers. You do something like this. Her lawyer counters. Your lawyer agrees that she is a bitch who deserves to suffer and encourages you to do something to ‘get even’ and punish her for the bitchy thing she just did. You respond by doing this, and her lawyer counters again. At some point, watch for a variation of this line from your attorney: “Your wife is the WORST _________ (insert “bitch”, “psycho” or fav insult here) that I’ve EVER SEEN in ALL the years I’ve been a divorce attorney…”. If this doesn’t come before you start to mention how much his legal fees are starting to add up, you can be certain that it will shortly after you make mention of this.

You should also expect that no matter what you offer your ex in the way of a settlement, no matter how generous it is, her lawyer will tell her a variation on the following, “This offer sucks… Your husband is the WORST__________ (bastard, asshole or other of your ex’s fav male insult) that I’ve EVER SEEN in ALL the years I’ve been a divorce attorney…”. He will advise her to counter offer with something that your lawyer will tell you that her offer is the WORST offer he’s ever seen …”. And this will go back and forth at hundreds of dollars an hour until 1) all the money has been soaked up in legal fees and there is no money left to fight over 2) both of you realize that the attorneys are a bigger threat to whatever each of you hoped to salvage from the divorce.

Remember that divorce attorneys in any given city generally all know each other. It’s a small world they inhabit. They are not enemies just because your clients are. Though they will genuinely fight for your side in court, they are very well aware that the longer the fight lasts, the more profitable for both of them. Divorce attorneys have bills just like the rest of us. Do you see the picture I’m trying to paint here?

SET YOUR EMOTIONS ASIDE AND FOCUS ON THE MONEY.

When my older sibling explained his situation to me, he was CEO of a national company. I knew he was a smart guy, but I could see him thinking emotionally (p~~~ed off) instead of focusing on the money, a mental attitude I had never seen him display before. Knowing she was a broke cocaine addict, my advice to him at the time was, “put $50,000 in 20 dollar bills in a suitcase with papers with whatever terms you want. Show her the money, show her the papers and give her the pen and she’ll sign and you’ll be rid of her…”. His response: “I’m not giving that bitch 50 cents…”.

Two years and $220,000 later in legal fees, the lawyers still had a few details to argue over that hadn’t been decided yet.

It should not have been a 2 year fight. At the beginning, he had the best, most expensive divorce attorney in the state. She had no money to hire a lawyer, having spent hers on cocaine. At the very first hearing, her attorney, who had agreed to take her case on contingency, entered a motion to the judge that her legal fees (his fees) should be paid from “the family’s assets…” until such time as “the family’s assets” were distributed by the court. I was in the court that day that her attorney argued this motion against the most expensive attorney in the state. I figured it would be a slam dunk, but it wasn’t…

I saw and heard every word of the arguments, and I was not very impressed with the resistance to this motion that was put forth by the most expensive attorney in the state. The motion was approved by the judge (we can all wonder now about the campaign contributions that judge gets from the two law firms in his court that day. My understanding is that some states limit the amount that one person or one law firm can donate to a judge’s campaign. Other states don’t.) The judge approved that motion after an argument between the two attorneys that couldn’t have lasted even 5 minutes. Once that motion was approved, her attorney was as well financed as my brother’s. So later, when my brother’s attorney would send over a settlement offer, her attorney would tell that cocaine addict that it was “the worst offer he’d ever seen in all the years he’d been a divorce attorney…etc etc”. The lawyers kept getting paid….and kept coming up with new things to argue about…

No need for you to go down his road.

The first time anyone meets with any divorce attorney, the first thing you will be asked is wether you have any kids. No one is going to spend $100,000 in legal fees arguing over a $100,000 house. But people with kids will spend their last dollar, and borrow more to finance a fight over their kids. The reason men don’t get custody of kids is that there are federal matching funds given by the federal government to the state governments to help states collect child support from the non-custodial parent. I think these are called Title 9 funds. Others reading this may have more details info on this than I do.

These matching funds are based on how much child support the state collects every year. State judges are paid a salary by the state using, at least in part, the federal matching funds. So, the state judges (who decide which parent will get custody and who also decide how much the child support of the other parent will be) are financially incentivized to maximize the amount of child support that is collected. There is a realistic limit to how much child support anyone can pay. The more they earn, the more they can pay.

Since men fathers generally out-earn mothers, the state and the state’s employee (the judge) is then financially incentivized to award custody to the mother (lowest earning parent) and thereby maximize child support collected, and the Title 9 funds that go to the state. This is why fathers have so little chance of winning custody.

The second thing that any divorce attorney is going to want to know at that initial meeting is a list of the “family’s assets” that are going to be fought over during the divorce. By now, you should realize that this is not so that the attorney can start to formulate his legal strategy to help you win all these assets. It’s so he can estimate what the case is going to be worth. The third thing a divorce attorney will want to know is who the attorney is that will be representing your soon to be ex. No need to explain why that would be of interest…

You mentioned that your soon to be ex is on meth. As a doctor, I can tell you that meth is more addictive than cocaine (by a long way) and the odds of your soon to be ex recovering from that addiction are very, very long. A psychiatrist I know who specializes in addition recovery told me once that in 20 years of practice, he’d never seen anyone successfully recover from meth. But this is her problem, not yours. And I’m not getting sore fingers trying to help a woman with any problem…

You might consider trying to make the cash offer to your meth addict wife before she gets an attorney. Catch her at a time when she is withdrawing and she may go for it for the short term cash. An alternative suggestion: You mentioned that she is still living with you. If you believe that there is ANY meth at all in your house, go to the police yourself and ask if they can bring a dog to find it. Search laws vary and change from state to state, but if you own the house and believe there are drugs in it, it should not be difficult to get the police to agree to do the search. No meth addict calls the police on themselves, so it shouldn’t be difficult to figure out who it belongs to. The problem is that meth, like cocaine, is so addictive the addict usually consumes it as soon as they get their hands on it. I don’t know enough about the mechanics of its use to know if a residue can be left behind. But any criminal arrest or evidence (rehab facility history etc) at all that this person has a drug addiction pretty well eliminates their credibility in divorce court.

A divorce attorney (friend, not hired by me) admitted once after a few drinks that when two people go to divorce court, only one of them needs to be unreasonable (as a result of greed or anger) in order to make the process hostile, drawn out and expensive. Of course, if both parties were reasonable and realistic, they probably wouldn’t need attorney’s, and could probably work out the differences in their marriage so as not to even need a divorce. When I asked him what the usual fraction of the ‘family’s assets’ that ended up as legal fees, his response was “about a third”. Basically, if you go into a divorce with a combined worth of $10,000, you can expect that the sum of the legal fees is going to be about $3,000. It really just comes down to a 3 way split between the two spouses and the attorneys. The judge will decide finally how the remaining 2/3 will be split between the two divorcing spouses. But the attorneys will not advance the process to the point where the judge decides until they’ve billed out that 1/3 of the family’s assets arguing over crap like which judge is going to decide… what day the hearing will be on… drafting up offers by each spouse that the other is going to advise his/her client to reject and rewrite… etc etc etc

There is one other way this could play out. If you are interested and key master is ok with it, I’ll send to him and he can send to your email address, because I don’t really want to post where feminist lurkers might see it and broadcast to all the prospective gold diggers out there. Or, if you’re willing to create a throwaway email address and post here for a one time email from my throwaway email address?

It’s a mistake commonly made by drug addicted and otherwise not so smart women who overestimate their positions, and can be of some help to you. It worked once for me many years ago, and may work for you as well.

In any case, try to set your emotions aside, along with any present wishes to ‘get even’ or otherwise make her miserable (as she probably deserves) and just focus on the money, and the most financially efficient way to get from point A (married) to point B (finalized divorce). Focus on that because nothing else matters as much here.

http://www.mgtow.com/forums/reply/21319/

Yes, it is stressful and yes, it sucks.  But once you go through the pain, you are a lot happier.

Like BrainPilot and I stated earlier, if you can hammer out an agreement without it being contested, that is your best bet.  I won’t go into a lot of detail, but if it does end up contested, keep these things in mind:

The first one to file usually has an advantage, they are basically on offense and the other party ends up playing defense.  If you think it is coming to that, try to file first.

To hire a lawyer requires a retaining fee of usually $5,000 if it is going to be contested, about half that if he is just helping you draft documents.  Plan on never seeing any of that money again and paying even more.

You will likely get hit with spousal and child abuse claims and consequently a claim of sole custody.  Hopefully nothing has ever happened where the police were called previously…unless it was on her, then document that s~~~. Start looking for evidence to counter claims of abuse and show her s~~~ty behavior if possible.

She will ask for a wildly large alimony payment and largely disproportionate division of assets.  She will have to provide a list of living expenses and cost of living allowances.  Document/understand what you are paying now to counter her inflated claims.

You will both have to fill out a list of all assets what it is worth and whether you can prove it is your sole property.

You will both have to fill out a long list of probing questions about yourself, your spouse and your kids.

She will petition the court for you to pay her lawyer fees.

She will tell the court how she is abused and can’t work anymore and you need to support her ad infinitum.

She will look at ways to hit you where it hurts.  Reflect on where you are vulnerable and if there is anything you can do about it.

I tell you this not to stress you out more, but to have you steel yourself a little and prepare yourself.  I was blind-sided and it really knocked my dick in the dirt made me stronger.

Even if she tells you she would never do that, don’t believe it.  My ex did.  Even if she actually isn’t planning on doing that, my ex told me after the divorce when things calmed down, that her lawyer told her to meet him at the courthouse without giving a reason why only to find out it was to file a restraining order.  He told her to withdraw everything from any joint accounts.  He made an appointment with a counselor he knew to try to ‘find out’ what kind of sexual abuse I was perpetrating on the children.

The good news is that she can ask for whatever she wants, it is her Divorce-Lottery ticket.  But it doesn’t mean she is going to get it.  I wish I knew that at the time.  My ex filed first and it seemed like she was getting everything she wanted and the court simply believed everything she said.  But once you have your day in court, you can tear down the house of lies and destroy her illusion of the Divorce Santa Clause.

Hoping it doesn’t come to this, but be prepared, Brother.