Here’s some background, I work overseas and take my vacations for a month at a time, I’m do to rotate out and its required that I leave the job for 30 days. I’ve been married for 14 years and have an awesome little guy. The marriage has been a colossal struggle in a ridiculous amount of crazy bulls~~~ which has lead me down a path of self discovery that has been awesome, painful but educating if that makes sense.

For some jackass reason yesterday I decided to put it all out there really in the tone of “hey, your f’ng me over at about every turn here, you can’t expect that I want to continue to go through all of this” surprisingly there was some of the old gas-lighting, crazy making s~~~ that usually happens but then some reflection and I felt fairly satisfied that maybe she gets it. So I think that I should have woken up today thinking, “cool, maybe we can cut the s~~~ and move forward” not at all what I’m thinking now. I woke with about the worst feeling of dread, I’ve been around the war on terror for quite a few years and its worse than that, seriously. So for whatever reason, I broke the rule, attacked the matrix. Logic says this will not be good, kind of like waking a sleep walker.

So here’s the deal, 1. forget about being a good dad for awhile and boogie to Thailand/Phillipines/[Insert cheap party country here]; 2. head to good ole’ mom and dads and try to get some time with my son (about 600 miles apart from the wife) if she’ll let it happen, or let the two of us travel together (doubtful) 3. Head to my house (our home, currently occupied by my wife and child) and hope I don’t end up being accused of some crazy bulls~~~.

Obviously the last option sucks but it might be good to get it over with, kind of a lets go ahead and get the inevitable deal breaking insane s~~~ out there so I have no choice but to stay gone, type of mindset. Get it over with so to speak.

Thoughts?

So I totally think I just f***ed myself. Stayed up late last night dumping buckets of truth on my wife. After I spent quite awhile tossing and turning, then woke up this A.M. thinking I totally just did everything wrong. My instincts are saying run like hell! Here’s some background, I work overseas and take my vacations for a month at a time, I’m do to rotate out and its required that I leave the job for 30 days. I’ve been married for 14 years and have an awesome little guy. The marriage has been a colossal struggle in a ridiculous amount of crazy bulls~~~ which has lead me down a path of self discovery that has been awesome, painful but educating if that makes sense. For some jackass reason yesterday I decided to put it all out there really in the tone of “hey, your f’ng me over at about every turn here, you can’t expect that I want to continue to go through all of this” surprisingly there was some of the old gas-lighting, crazy making s~~~ that usually happens but then some reflection and I felt fairly satisfied that maybe she gets it. So I think that I should have woken up today thinking, “cool, maybe we can cut the s~~~ and move forward” not at all what I’m thinking now. I woke with about the worst feeling of dread, I’ve been around the war on terror for quite a few years and its worse than that, seriously. So for whatever reason, I broke the rule, attacked the matrix. Logic says this will not be good, kind of like waking a sleep walker. So here’s the deal, 1. forget about being a good dad for awhile and boogie to Thailand/Phillipines/[Insert cheap party country here]; 2. head to good ole’ mom and dads and try to get some time with my son (about 600 miles apart from the wife) if she’ll let it happen, or let the two of us travel together (doubtful) 3. Head to my house (our home, currently occupied by my wife and child) and hope I don’t end up being accused of some crazy bulls~~~. Obviously the last option sucks but it might be good to get it over with, kind of a lets go ahead and get the inevitable deal breaking insane s~~~ out there so I have no choice but to stay gone, type of mindset. Get it over with so to speak. Thoughts?

The thing that makes me the most uncomfortable about this is simply knowing the way these she-devils are. In their mind, a man is nothing more than their trained pet that needs to respond to their every command in a timely and appropriate manner. When he doesn’t, they work extra hard to ensure they can devise the maximum level of “punishment” they see fit for his misbehavior. While you may have initially felt you got through to her and made some progress, your gut instinct kicked in and you are absolutely correct. You have planted the seed that you are no longer going to be her whipping boy and now she is plotting her revenge while trying to make you think nothing is wrong so that she can hit you as hard and low as possible unexpectedly. This is how women operate.

What you really need to do is change your mentality altogether. Things like “if she’ll let me” cannot be a part of your vocabulary any longer. You have reached the point in time where you have decided you are fed up with her s~~~ and now it is time to prepare your final exit. Start hiding money as soon as you can and work towards getting out of there for good. As I said before, you have shown her you have woken up to her attempted life of slavery for you – she knows you are no longer her pawn and will make it her top priority to make you as miserable as possible.

Point manipulations out and confronting the “gaslighter” directly can be dangerous. Manipulators think they are in control of everything. When they realize they aren’t, they panic and freak out with no limits. It can get extremely hostile. It’s often best to internalize it (just like it’s best to not be too public about “MGTOW”) and then simply separate yourself from it. Its difficult to tell from what you said if she qualifies as “sociopathic”, but it’s a common character trait. Or rather, “gas lighting” is a tactic sociopaths tend to use. Be careful when confronting a sociopath directly.

You asked for thoughts, and that’s what I thought as I was reading.

The Upside is… NOBODY IS EASIER TO MANIPULATE — THAN A MANIPULATOR.
Like I said, they think they are in control of everything. This is their hubris.
Exploit it before it exploits you.

I don’t *know* what you should do, but traveling with her seems a bad idea, because you shouldn’t reward crazy or bitch behavior with your time and special attention. That’s just training her to do it more. You might want to show her that crazy makes you pull away and won’t make you work harder at getting closer.

Just thinking out loud. Don’t listen to me. You already know what you should do.

My only hang up is I know its going to break the kids heart. I’m relatively fine financially – I split the accounts a long time ago and distribute money like a steward, the exception is we ran up quite a bit of debt, which is manageable, and I should be able to eliminate most of it by around November, by January I’ll be pretty well off.

Key Master, I get what your saying, it is easy to manipulate a manipulator, it’s simple enough to predict what comes next. I can even get things done by knowing the reaction that follows. If there is a chance they will look bad in front of other people they will do what ever it takes to defend the image they want to be believed. Like I said though, its exhausting when it becomes 24/7 the phone rings out here and I’m like stretching and warming up before I answer, “ok, lets do this.” lol!

Maybe there’s a lawyer in the house, if I take the kid and travel around and have an awesome time – do I need to worry about kidnapping? I was thinking my son and I could hit the grandparents for the month, bring him home and jump on a flight back out to work. What about traveling internationally as a father and son if the mom objects? (obviously not the Philippines in this instance, that’s a daddy’s only trip) – it just sucks, we could hike the state parks, hit disney land, whatever, but if we jump in the truck and hit the road I’m liable to be charged as a kidnapper. If I run off on a month long bender I’m abandoning him. If I go home I’m opening a whole heaping helping of risk, truth doesn’t matter if she makes a phone call and turns on the water works there’s no way I’ll convince anyone she’s conniving. Its risky but a domestic violence claim (again we all know it doesn’t matter at all what really went on) will totally screw my job and right now it would be extremely tough to recover.

Its a tough road, I don’t think anyone can say definitely if you’ll face arrest/charges, maybe there is something I don’t know? What really sucks is there’s no punitive action for just not showing up so kids are left to think, “what the hell” dad didn’t want to see me? All the other bulls~~~ doesn’t matter to a kid.

Hence my opinion that my honesty, though intended for the better, just f****ed me royally. I know that the answer is there is no good answer.

Thanks gents, very helpful feedback I’ve studied this long enough to know, helpful to get a real prospective.

Not possible, or likely. If a child is under 18 they can’t go wherever and do whatever they want – by law. They have to listen to their parents. if it makes you uncomfortable, get his testimony on video. Record it with your phone and have him say “I really want to go with Dad” like a note to his Mom. Put it on the internet and leave it for her to find. Or even better, have him create a Facebook page and record the video himself – then post it. “Mom I just want to let you know I want take a road trip with Dad”. Doesn’t even have to involve you. It can be his idea.

Or tell her he asked for that for his Birthday.

Tell her directly “I’m taking the boy on a little road trip for a surprise. Early birthday present.”.

SHE: “What? You can’t do that….”

YOU: “I’m not asking. I’m informing you as a courtesy. I’m giving him the gift of travel and exploration. It’s a man thing. We will be back on _______.”.

“Kidnapping”? Everyone can f~~~ that idea right off.