I just joined today but have been reading the posts for the past week or so.  The posts run from the sad to the hysterically funny to thoughtful and insightful, a great forum indeed.

I am 40 years old, was divorced in January 2015 after a 5 year marriage (3 years married, 2 trying to get divorced).  I spent the first 35 years of my life growing up, getting educated, building a successful business and securing my financial future.  I never really dated that much because I was super-focused on my future.

It would have been great had I seen this site or read these stories before I met the woman I would eventually marry because I did not recognize any of the warning signs or see any of the red flags.   I won’t bore you with the details, but before we got married, my brother, who is an attorney, suggested a pre-nuptial agreement that made it clear that my stuff was my stuff and I was keeping my stuff in the event of a divorce.  At the time of the marriage I had a home in the U.S. and a winter home in the Caribbean as well as other personal property that he thought I should protect in the event of a divorce.  I agreed and one was drafted for her to sign.

During the time we dated (2 years), she always acted like a strong, independent woman.  She had a good job, was well educated and didn’t seem materialistic.  She always would say things like “I love you, not your possessions” (little did I know that was just bulls~~~).

When it came time to plan the wedding,  she was over the top in extravagance.  She suggested a “destination wedding” and when I said “honey, its too far and will cost too much money for everyone to travel and stay in the hotel”.  Her reply was “well, we will have to pay for their hotel charges”, which I said was ridiculous, but she remained steadfast and I gave in under the stipulation that she pay the hotel charges for her family and friends and I would pay for mine (big mistake).

We planned the wedding and deposits were paid and about a month before the big day, I presented her with the pre-nuptial agreement.  She went absolutely CRAZY and was so p~~~ed off I thought she was going to have a stroke.  I had never seen her like this, ever, but in hindsight, I should have dumped her that very minute, but being the fool I was, I didn’t.  She took the agreement, and said she had to talk to her attorney about it (which I learned later was bulls~~~ also, she really just had to talk to her mother, sisters, cousins and all her female friends about it).  However, in the end she did sign it, but it changed our entire relationship and little did I know, it would never be the same.

Four months after the wedding, she gave up working so she could focus on “us”, which later I realized meant, focusing on her having more time to spend my money going on trips with the girls, spending time at the spa, buying clothes she would never wear, shoes she didn’t like and buying s~~~ for the house that we didn’t need.  After she stopped working, I had to pay her bills of course and this is when I learned that she had almost $100,000.00 in credit card debts, which included the hotel and restaurant charges for her family and friends at the “destination wedding”.   Clearly she had never intended to pay the charges, she always expected me to pay them because “I could afford it”.   I told her I would NOT pay her credit cards off for a past lifestyle that she obviously could not afford and she needed to go back to work or file bankruptcy.

After this, the anger and resentment from her and all of her friends and family was incredible.  How did I get to be the asshole in this arrangement?  I had no debts, was always a responsible adult,  I produced more than I consumed and saved the surplus for the future.  Apparently she felt she was the future and I should use the surplus for her, but I remained firm and never gave in.

There were a thousand things like that which accumulated during our brief marriage.  However, as she tore through my money, which was cash I earned before we even met, I realized that I had been duped, tricked and deceived by this woman.  I was considering divorce when she announced with great glee that she was pregnant!  The moment she made that announcement, my immediate response was, I want a divorce.  I had finally had enough and told her to get out of MY HOUSE and I filed for divorce  2 days later.  The reason for this hostile response was because I had a vasectomy when I was 30 years old and I knew it wasn’t my child.  I never told her about the vasectomy and she made it clear she wanted children and I made it clear I didn’t want them, but apparently the rule of “her body, her rules” applied.

She immediately asked the court for interim spousal support during the divorce and even had the b~~~~ to ask me to pay the retainer for HER attorney and tried to freeze all my bank accounts so I couldn’t get to any of MY money.  Fortunately, the pre-nup served me well and the court did not grant the requests, but they did say that I had to let this bitch live with me in MY HOUSE during the divorce, or I had to pay for her to stay in an apartment until the divorce was final.  Incredible.

I could not bear having her under my roof, so I paid $900.00 a month for an apartment, plus all her utilities, car insurance and everything else while the divorce was pending.  She wanted child support for the unborn child and under the law, I am presumed to be the father since we were married.  I had to prove that I was NOT the father, she didn’t have to prove I was.  Of course I had to pay for everything associated with determining paternity as well because I had the good sense to be fiscally responsible so it was my problem, not hers.

She claimed fraud in the inducement to try and void the pre-nuptial agreement in court and used every trick in the book to get her hands on the very things she said were not important to her.  She was the one who committed fraud, not me.

Eventually the court held up the pre-nup, and she got nothing but the judge ordered me to give her $50,000.00 in “separation maintenance” whatever the f~~~ that is, plus I had to let her keep the car that I purchased and was in my name because it was a “gift”. . .  I said no way and her attorney and my attorney thought I should pay it because appealing the decision would cost at least that much and it would drag on another year.  I said I did not care, I wasn’t going to pay it and I appealed the decision.

Ultimately I did win the appeal, but during that time, she sold the car and spent the cash (not a surprise), I have a judgment against her for the value of the vehicle and $10,000.00 for my attorney fees she ran up with her bulls~~~ attempts at voiding the pre-nup, but that barely scratches the surface of what she cost me during our short relationship.  She’s a “single mom” and not working so I will probably never see a dime, but at least I have it in case she does return to work.

I did learn during the divorce that she became pregnant by artificial insemination.  Her cousin (a male) eventually told me that she was desperate to get pregnant to get a hold on me since she knew she would get nothing in the event of a divorce and the child support would be a substantial amount each month based on my “net worth”.  Unbelievable!

So guys, the deck is stacked against us, the lengths to which women will go to achieve a financial goal is almost too much for me to bear and I have learned a very valuable lesson.   My state doesn’t recognize common law, so in the very unlikely event I would ever decide that I was in love again (not much chance of that), living together without marriage is the way to go.

I hope someone will learn from my mistakes.

Holy Cow, what a nightmare.  Another example of the treachery called female.  Think about poor guys who cannot afford the fight and get screwed by a biased and corrupt system.

Just sayin’

Keith

Your experience through hell and back is fair warning to us all.

I’m not trying to come off as accusatory or kick you in the nuts about things that have clearly been hurtful to you, but I am objectively curious and that information about fertility clinics could be very useful to other men. Especially financially successful MGTOWs who still date and are sexually active.

Totally sad story, Hunter, and at least from the cash bleed side of things that could have been any of us.

In a real sense I got lucky in my divorce – and this may be a pointer to other guys out there – my ex-deadweight started banging some dude with a new Jaguar and a variety of other s~~~ he owed a ton on, and her materialistic butt was hot to get his ass fenced in quickly.  To do so, she had to be rid of me more quickly, so I realized this and used it to hammer thru a divorce fast and be rid of the whore.

So guys, if you find your wife jumping some dumbass who superficially is loaded, you are often basically in the driver’s seat. Just remember that after you get thru with that race to stay in the driver’s seat from then on, or she’ll wreck your vehicle and the law will blame you for having filled the tank.

Anyhow Hunter, you lived and learned and you are done with it.  Puts you miles ahead of most of the guys out there, so thumbs up.

Hunter, I enjoyed reading. I have a couple of questions, though. If you knew she wanted children and she knew you didn’t, why did you get married in the first place? Seems like that would be a normal deal breaker in just about any relationship. Second, are you sure her pregnancy was through artificial insemination? I’m taking a big leap here because I’m completely naïve about what goes on inside fertility clinics, but isn’t the normal protocol to have the husband involved in the options available? Seems like it would be easier for her to just f~~~ some random dude or old flame. I’m not trying to come off as accusatory or kick you in the nuts about things that have clearly been hurtful to you, but I am objectively curious and that information about fertility clinics could be very useful to other men. Especially financially successful MGTOWs who still date and are sexually active.

Hi Vector.  Even though I knew she wanted children, she knew I didn’t and I knew that I could never father a child so I didn’t think it would ever become an issue since I never planned on her getting pregnant.  She was getting anxious about not getting pregnant and was starting to nag me about fertility testing and I told her I would not do that because as I had explained originally, I did not want children.

As for the artificial insemination, I presume that what I was told was true, he would have had no reason to lie about it and I don’t think she would have risked infidelity because she only saw me as the “goose that laid the golden egg” and didn’t want to screw it up, but I’m speculating.

I’m sure that whatever clinic she used was misled (as was I) and told she was single.  I would think if they knew she was married they would want me informed, but I don’t really know the rules on such matters.  Ironically, the child has a very strong resemblance to me.  I am of Irish descent and fair skinned and he does have these physical traits.  I presume she asked for these characteristics when she “ordered” her pregnancy.

It has been said by some that I should have told her I had a vasectomy, but I didn’t see the relevance since I made it clear I didn’t want kids.

What an epic introduction Hunter. My god, man. Just gutted reading that… and shaking my head. Not surprising. I was telling the story of a crazy bitch I once knew and as I was telling it, I thought this is so ridiculous people will think I’m making it up. The s~~~ she pulled was so WHACK, reading episodes like yours totally vindicated me from accepting all the burden and blame of thinking >> I << should have done a better job. It was like I was 40 pounds lighter within minutes. The human female is the only species of female that KNOWS sex leads to a baby. No other species has a clue that their cubs or litter come from that f~~~ing that happened so many months ago. But a woman plans, conspires, plots, negotiates, hides, slithers, and artifically inseminates(!!!) herself without telling her husband – the man she pretends to love. It’s like she “hates” him. Other men don’t mean anything to her, but this one, she HATES. That’s one thing I can’t see anymore. The way women treat their men in relationships and marriage like she hates him. CONCLUSION: No man should ever marry a woman who hates him enough to actually let him go through with it. Welcome to MGTOW , Hunter. Really epic way to make an entrance. Nice upbeat avatar and hope you have many great days ahead. Cheers. And PS. Nice job with the vasectomy and not telling her.

Hi Keymaster.  Thanks for the message and words of encouragement.  You have more insight into the female psyche than I obviously do.

The avatar is me on the day my divorce became final and I was released from my self-imposed bondage.   My joy was wider than the sky and deeper than the ocean.