I remember when I was in the store this one day.. and this woman was was oh like… maybe 24-26… and she was talking to me and doing things I notice that girls my age do when they like a boy or (unfortunately) like me.. and it seemed she was more interested in talking to me about different subjects then helping me find what I was looking for.. it got out of control a little bit and I had like mentioned  her about my high school and mentioned my age subtly and she said “oh but you look so much older ” and gave me this pedophillic smile… and my encounter with her was all for nothing I had not gotten what I wanted to find, and was left with a disgusting feeling in my stomach.

I don’t know if any of you have had this experience when younger but in my life time has happened at least twice.

I found out later she was 32. So the place is dark and she’s still hanging around and starts up a little chit chat while she’s collecting her purse and heading out so I could lock up. I could have walked home in 20 minutes but she offered me a ride. I saw her joking around with one of the waiters so I agreed.

I REALLY, REALLY thought it was just going to be a lift home. I got no vibe at all.

So then we’re in her car, and she starts with “I have to make a quick stop at home for…. ” (some s~~~ I don’t remember) and I remember thinking that was odd, and Im noticing she’s going in another direction, and I tell her no I’m just THAT way straight ahead. She said “Oh right I thought you said…..” and uses some f~~~ing pretending-to-be-deaf-and-stupid tactic.

So tell her to just pull over and I’ll walk. so she can go home. It’s late so she insists on driving me and pulls over to make a U turn, but doesn’t turn. We’re “parked” by the side of the road and now she starts up a conversation asking me where I went to school and s~~~ like that. Then she jumps me and starts sucking my face. Im like WHOAH!!! and feeling like Marty McFly in Back To The Future when his MOM hits on him.

Gross.

After that, I never – never – dated a chick older than me. EVER.
Well, ONE was a month older. But that was it for me.
I was permanently turned off “older women” forever.

When I saw American Pie and what’s his name was hot for Stiffler’s Mom, I wanted to puke.
And don’t get me started on cougars.

Many years later, I was grown man and working along side some female teachers of young athletic students. One of the boys was referred to as “Alexander The Great”. This went over my head, but at least 8 or 10 of them were in on the joke. Until one day I heard it too many times and I asked what they meant, and they told me it was because of the bulge in his pants.

He was 13.

Women are f~~~ing PIGS.