Hello, I’m 25 and I live in Sweden. I have a mild form of asperger (diagnosed 2005) which I at first wouldn’t acknowledge and refuse to get insight on until recent years and I ought research more on in addition to my current aspiration to gain more self knowledge. I possess extended capacity for logical thinking at the expense of emotional traits. I’m overall nice and friendly but naive and gullible, the perfect victim for manipulation and deceit.

I also have social anxiety and I wish to limit my exposure to crowded areas as best I can because I get mentally exhausted and uncomfortable. However, I try to overcome my obstacles with training, I visit a crowded mall now and then.

As I reflect on my past way of thinking and my current, I was a bit of a red pill nommer back then as well and faced reality in nearly all situations except in relations and women. In 2011 after years of isolation and minimal activity with friends which I’ve lost contact with at this point, I decided I would end my life. Why keep on living with this dysfunction and keep suffering? I often found myself lacking and limited by it and I was sometimes reminded through other peoples remarks or reactions.

And then suddenly WOMAN!

I receive a mail from a person I play World of Warcraft with whom occasionally sent me gifts in game and constantly stalked me. The mail said that she had taken a strong liking to me, never before had I been approached by a woman this way except from a few girls that sometimes run up to me a say that I’m cute then take off in embarrassment. Asberger kicks in and brain gives no reaction to mail or perhaps it was anxiety that hindered a response, anyway I keep on going with my routines and trying to find energy to get my body over to the railway so I can finally end my miserable existence.

A month goes by, still too lazy to take my life and games are the only thing keeping me alive.  The girl starts chatting in game and asks if I got the mail she sent, she confessed her love and claimed she had been looking me up, googling me and masturbated to pictures of me. What. The. Actual. F.

Instead of creeping the feck out, I get highly curious, we chat and play for hours daily. A few weeks later she offers to expose herself intimately on cam, cute and innocent looking, does all kinds of things and dirty talking, I become infatuated. This goes on and I postpone my suicide, I finish school with good grades the same year. I felt a bit happier.

About her:

What she has told me about her at this point: Two years older than me, lives in Philippines, her mom got knocked up while working in Japan, attempted to cause miscarriage with drugs (abortion illegal/religious reasons) but she survived. So she was raised by crazy single mom who had a gambling problem, they lost house, car etc. She has three sisters, all different fathers, her mom had kids with each of them to drain them of money to sustain gambling addiction. Sent the middle sister to Japan to work in a questionable profession to provide her additional funds.

The girl had gotten out of a past abusive relationship where she claimed was beaten and bruised. She had some education and worked at some photo studio. Feelings grew over the course of a year until we finally decided to meet, I flew down there for a month. To my surprise she started stroking me after a few minutes together in the taxi. As soon as we got settled in a room wild sexy times ensued. Had a wonderful vacation but the month flashed by rather quickly, she cried at the airport during our goodbyes.

We continue playing like before with strong urges to see each other again. Half a year later we arrange for her to come to Sweden. Tons of women stuff fills my apartment, sex several times a week (she takes pills), I find a calm and comfortable office job, decided at half time due to my sleeping problems. She mentions marriage and keeps nagging about it every now and then. Having a difficult time adjusting from years of isolation to getting out to work, lack of sleep, biological clock messed up, has almost always been until after a few weeks at work it slowly got corrected. Girl becomes more demanding, keeps asking when I’m going to work full time, constantly asks for money as it’s not enough what she’s getting from the government from her studies.

Drastic change

She plays victim game and claims I don’t love her, my asperger hinders me from fully being able to express myself and my feelings which I had told her many years ago but I loved her deeply despite of that though it was waning over time due to her behaviour.  She asks for bigger sums of money, keeps telling me her mom catching new sicknesses every month. I treat her like an equal, though I gave into her spoiled behaviour. Year 2013 at this point btw. She cuts me off from my closest friend calling him a creep and family presumably to easier manipulate me, claiming we have to solve our own problems ourselves, she’s being completely illogical, irrational and doesn’t explain the problems. I fall into depression, I feel lost and had no idea how to remedy the situation. We both enter a down spiral, she keeps threatening me with suicide and that she’s unhappy with me. Suspecting she’s bipolar as her behaviour is comparable to a roller coaster ride. She keeps playing mind games with me and tests to see my reactions and limits.

She expresses her wishes to separate if I don’t change. I had no idea what called for change neither did she mention anything significant except that she wanted a bigger apartment and meet her materialistic and romantic demands which I was inexperienced and almost incapable of. I thought everything was going just fine besides from her sudden rage moments or when she cries for seemingly no reason which I had no understanding of. Despite my dysfunction I cuddled with her, comforted, instilled positive thoughts and tried my best. She keeps blaming her outbursts on birth control pills or period. The relationship according to me was still at an early stage and we both needed to work harder to get a stable economy as my income back then was enough to pay all the bills and yeah, I covered all her expenses as well. Make up, clothes, food, hygiene products etc.

Strange and suspicious behaviour (2014)

Weird questions started popping up: “Is it okay if I work as a prostitute? What would you do if I cheated on you?” She then confessed she had cheated on me. I asked if she was serious and she promised she was being truthful. I sat in silence and stared at her. After a few minutes she laughed and said she was joking. At that moment my trust for her broke. She put a password on her phone claiming friends at school attempts to peek at it, yet refuses me access to it. Becomes more fishy over time. She starts playing a different with another guy whom was obsessed with asian girls. She claims they’re strictly friends. She sometimes goes out at night with make up and questionable clothing. Taken a few trips across country or flew to Budapest (note: the guy she was playing with lives in Slovakia). I become further suspicious and contemplate over if separation would be the best for us, I gradually deny her attention and money. She excuses that the trips makes her happy to forget her misery with me. Comes up with reasons to give her money for things like gymcard but in reality she’ll use it to travel to see someone else or send it to her mom

Me being introvert and grow awfully fond of people close to me couldn’t imagine anything bad was going to happen, she still said she loved me everyday, sex was reduced to once a week or a few times a month, still cooks food and does some housework, I help whenever I have energy. It would also be time consuming to dump her and meet someone else so I tried to hold us together and stay positive and she kept telling me I can’t see anyone else and that I’m only hers. Also, she has nowhere else to go. Her tune changes more and she becomes less tolerant of me and minor mistakes, outright disrespectful and insulting. She said more harsh things like I’ll never find anyone else and that there’s no one like her and I should give her what she wants.  Overuses the words always and never, blaming me while victimizing, justifying herself and actions. Brings up past things in her arguments like she gave up on her family to be with me because of love. She got her permanent visa here in Sweden after these years, guess I’m not needed any more.

Caught (2015-03)

While she was on another trip I managed to figure out her PC password, an old one I knew of to my surprise. I should have done this earlier. Found pictures of her with the slovak dated from as far back as 2014-03. Two months chat logs of cyber sex. I couldn’t eat or sleep. When she came back she pretended like always she had been with friends and ruled out she had been seeing another guy. I demanded to look through her baggage, she immediately rushed to grab an SD card in her bag. Wow, really? Then came the confrontation, I said I knew everything. She blamed me for finding out, calling me a bad man. Oh I’ve just supported,  cared, provided free living for you and covered your expenses for more than three years. Doesn’t mean anything right? She cried endlessly attempting to come up with unthinkable compromises like if she could stay but still see the slovak as a friend.

Aftermath (2015-05)

She managed to seduce and have sex with me, I bought her a day after pill afterwards which she lied about taking after I bought it for her, she left in a hurry and then a month later claimed she was pregnant and we had to get married. Fortunately I convinced her to abort and is now undergoing the process.

Present time

I’ve been nomming red pills for hours the past week, viewing YT channels like: Neo Unplugged, Sandman, Feminism LOL etc. So many realizations, revelations emerged. I still feel lost, confused and alone. It’s almost like I’m back in the state I was during 2011. Longing for someone to cuddle with and drown my endless sorrow, I gave dating sites a shot but to no avail, I’ll keep trying for a bit longer. Digesting red pills the best I can, feels so heavy.

There are more hurtful stuff to mention, can’t bare it any more, might make a follow up post, I’ve been utterly emotionally crushed, my heart gutted into pieces, those pieces diced into tiny bits.

Thanks again for reading and sorry for the sloppy writing, too lazy to correct it.

Now’s the time to decide how you’re going to put your heart back together, MGTOW cement, or more female shredding and torture to be followed by more misery and suffering?

Red pill; you wake up to a whole new reality and method to dealing with this endless madness.

Blue pill; inject more toxic position into your heart and slip into unconsciousness as irrational emotions rule over you by the toxic venom of a woman.

My advise to you, go your own way! Save yourself!

My life is immeasurably better since I stopped taking the toxic injections of  these narcissistic and deviant modern women…

DETOX is not FUN! It’s hell to pay! But the reward is greater than anything any woman can give you! You gain yourself back from the diabolical manipulations that spew from these deadly poisonous modern women.

Stick around here for a red blood transfusion, that nasty blue blood going through your veins is going to kill you if you don’t get it out of your system.

You’re only sick for now, later on you’ll feel invincible! Why? Because you will be INVINCIBLE!

The transformation is multilateral and permanent, you’ll never suffer again. I PROMISE!

It’s real pain and whatever you feel for her will slowly vanish and become a realization. You will see things more clearly. Give it time brother.

It’s a good lesson to learn at such an early age. You have time in your hands. However the fact you truly need to pay heed to is all women are like the whore you dated. She can pretend to be your dream girl as long as you have something to give her and her to take from you. They all revert back their normal behavior. ALWAYS pay attention to a woman’s past. That is her future.

Just like you were told about a crazy ex, the next c~~~ she sucks will be told you were psycho, abusive for guessing her password, catching her cheating on you.

Bitches. Losing faith in them one whore at a time.

Keep taking your red pills.

@Tower is f~~~ing spot on with what he told you …. SPOT ON

We have all … and some still are … going through EXACTLY what you’re feeling now. It’s not just you feeling this.

Yiu need to keep your mind off her … so make your time busy … very busy. DON’T sit alone and start wishing ger back. You feel like s~~~ because SHE MADE YOU FEEL LIKE S~~~.

Remember … before you met her you never had this sort of pain.

Time will fix this and if I could do it for you I would …. but it’s a journey that xan be eased by talking with us.

Many many guy’s here can help guide you some of the way.

Maybe start working out …. do something physical that tires you out.

We’re here …. just keep talking ok?

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You have been through a lot. I can relate, but mine is different story for a different time. Quite frankly: this was the most manipulative, crazy kind of bitch for you to have such a first (Im assuming it was your first) experience with, AND coupled with the other issues you were/are facing, that simply compounds the problem.

Sorry you had to go through this man. Know you are NOT alone, and MORE importantly that her irratic and deceitful behavior has ZERO reflection upon you. It happens to ALL kinds of men. It is NOT a reflection of who you are.

I bring up the “first experience” because we all know that one hurts the most. I think suicidal ideation in men is more common than women, because we have no where to turn when we are hurt. Women tell us your a “man”. Most men are too insecure to admit their fears, and likewise tell us to man up. But I believe its very common.

I never imagined I would have those kinds of thoughts when I was younger, but after all the s~~~ life has thrown at me, I have. Your not alone. This hasnt happened to you because your less than anyone else. In fact, I would argue that this has happened to you because youre an individual who has something of VALUE to offer. It just so happens you got mixed up with a crazy, selfish bitch who wanted the value you had to offer.

You POSSESS intrinsic VALUE.

Dont f~~~ing forget that.

My frustration is just their dishonesty towards us and themselves, but what these women did to you guys, damn.

Respect yourselves guys, just like Ancient said, validation does not come from the external, it comes from you.

You were born this way, this is reality, accept it and ignore all others.

Every person has the potential to live free and happy and only you can allow it to happen to yourself.

But you have to work at it, consciously, recognize when you f*ck up, remember and tell yourself to change it next time.

Growth will go slow, but it will happen that way.