when your gut starts telling you some bad things are going to happen, it is usually right. Do mind me asking you to give more details? Hard to tell how to help you if you don’t say more about your situation.

one thing i tell ALL guys that show up here with relationship issues is that NUMBER 1 guard your money and your bank accounts. lock up everything of value. is she into drugs or something?

People aren’t broke, desperate, drug addicted, crazy or violent for no reason… somewhere along the path they made a series of decisions and you’re looking at the result of that equation. Sure, we all have our challenges and not everyone had the same starting point or opportunities along the way, but we’ve all got the same number of hours in a day and we are all adults and we can all reach out for help and support to respond to and address our problems.

The person sitting across the table from you today is the way they are for a reason… they have been that way for some time in their interaction with previous people and they will continue to be that way when they interact with you. You can’t fix them, you can’t save them and you can’t expect them to be different today or tomorrow from where they were yesterday.

I’ve tried to be “Captain Save-a-Ho”… and I’ll confess here that I had it in my mind that if I found a female who was broken, the competition to get her would be less and if I could somehow help save her, she would be grateful and love me in return. Or at least need me. Or maybe blow me. Yeah, pretty much if I saved her she would blow me. But I got about as much action for my trouble as Mario did from Peach. I never even got a cake.

Soooo… you’ve got to ask yourself. What is your real motivation for trying to save a female? Would you do the same thing for a guy you’ve known the same amount of time? I doubt my experience was unique.

You know deep down that you need to remove her from your life. It’s better to listen to that instinct. I know it’s hard, I’ve been there myself, but you have to do it.

What I found helpful before is to use a gradual stepping-away instead of a cold cut-off. If just shutting her out of your life in one swoop is too difficult, you can always do it more gradually. Just become more unavailable than before. Little by little, move a step further away until you are at enough distance from her that you can both forget about each other. When it’s happening she’ll use various tactics to try to pull you back into her life, but don’t let her. Keep becoming more and more unavailable, bit by bit, until she accepts that you’re gone.

I wish you well.

“Being rescued can feel pretty good to a woman. When you are older and have done this enough, you may find that some women manufacture problems and drama so that you will have something to reduce them from and they can feel good like that some more.”

Doc is right – don’t be Captain Save-a-Ho. The warning signs are there – heed them. You’re young and inexperienced and there’s a very good chance that your hormones are shading your perception of reality with respect to her. I want to assure you that most of us was in the same boat in the past, and though it may not feel good for a while you will get over this and further, you’ll be the better for it because you didn’t allow yourself to get sucked down in her cesspool of emotional and financial s~~~. From your vagueness about what she’s involved in and how you met her, I have my suspicions about both but right now you seem to be caught up in a similar situation I’ve been in twice. Which is the Captain Save-a-Ho scenario, where both women needed help, I gave it to them and they either wanted more and more and more and I got friend-zoned for my efforts. It is not your job to fix her problems, it’s hers. Men including me have this compulsion to fix problems just as we would fix machines and you’ve got to understand that she has to seek help if she needs it from someone other than you, like her family, her priest, the police, whatever (I don’t know her details of course).

I have this long-time woman friend whom I’ve really distanced myself from lately as a result of all the learning I’ve done recently concerning the behavior of females, and I could not agree more with BrainPilot: women seek constant attention and affirmation of their value from men and one of the ways they do it is to stage ongoing dramas and become a princess in her own little fantasy world, a Sleeping Beauty that needs to be rescued by her White Knight. Right now I think you’re in the White Knight role but you’ve got to stay away from that. This local woman I know does have a long term ailment and I’ve always been there for her, but I am sick of the s~~~ I go through in dealing with her because any attention I pay to her calls or emails results in even more of them – it never ends. Ever, until I finally noticed that she almost always ignores what I tell her about my life and simply continues the ‘woe is me’ s~~~ about EVERY GDAMNED LITTLE INCIDENT in her f~~~ing life. Jesus. I even told her twice in emails about one of my brothers being diagnosed again with cancer and another one having to go to the ER and she’s never even mentioned either, nor expressed concern about them like a normal human being. Which brings up another point – they’re NOT NORMAL!!! It frightens me to think of all the time I wasted trying to give women advice in my life when all they wanted was my money, attention or both – they saw me as a utility always, a beta male provider and even sometimes (like the woman I’ve mentioned) as a mangina she could dump her problems on. Don’t waste your time trying to fix her because it will only fail or better yet it will appear to have worked for a while until inevitably it doesn’t, since she’ll continually want your attention again. You can however at least give her advice about who to talk to as I said above, but don’t fall into that cesspool because she’ll find ways to claw you back down every single time you try to get out. And Phoenix’s ‘easing the ho out de door’ advice is really good and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing with this woman.

Good luck – as ListenUp! essentially said the value of the advice you get here will be in direct proportion to the details you provide. This site is not about judging men, it’s about trying to enlighten them, as I like to think happened to me in late December. 🙂