I met this girl in summer 2014 from OKCupid. Her soon-to-be-ex-husband committed suicide a few months prior going through divorce. Nonetheless she was in dating game and had f*cked 2 guys before me. Slept with both within 1 week of meeting them. To this day I believe there were more men.

Cut to the chase, I meet this girl who is rather attractive and definitely above my league (only in looks department). We hit it off and on first date she shows me the pictures of her 2 kids. So cute, I am touched, while all I wanted was to fool around and didn’t have any plans of sticking around. Being a medical student I was in her city for 2 more weeks and then I was moving on to another city and then another and then another in order to do the required rotations I had lined up at different hospitals. I could choose to do all of them at one place but I wanted to have the best clinical exposure.  I was honest and I told her I just want a “cuddle buddy”. I am not looking for sex, nor anything serious.

I guess during the first or second date, as a single mother, she got the provider/beta (omega?) vibe from me and she decided to put me in crosshair. I was a naive sitting duck looking for “love” even if it came from a woman who in my mind (even at that time) had plenty of red flags. But being rather inexperienced all I saw were good looks and charm beyond words. No other girl had been so affectionate and warm to me. She is warm and radiant with her sexuality, on 2nd date she kissed me (she read I was a beta and perhaps wouldn’t make the first move on 2nd date). She then invited me to her place and I brought dinner. The second night she invited me over, we watched a movie and it led her to invite me upstairs while her kids slept next door. She goes “put it in”, no condom, no concern about who I had been with before, etc. Safe to say I didn’t. Only because I had seen enough STD cases and examined enough vaginas to know that HPV or HIV cases don’t come with labels.

The following week I meet with her a few times and we have oral sex and make out but never penetration. So much of a mangina I was that when my tip touched her vagina once I ran to get PlanB the next day (LOL). She was so excited and obedient taking those that I feel she must have realized how easy of a target this future wannabe-surgeon is going to be. FML#1.

I move on to the next city which is 2 hours from hers. She texts me every few hours while I am away and invites herself over for a weekend. That’s the first time we sleep together. She starts to relax. She wants to grab beer and have fun and enjoy life. I am feeling too c~~~y that no-way-in-hell am I going to fall in love with a single mom who just doesn’t have much of a moral compass (based on the 2 men she slept with after her ex husband and before me, and she admitted to “hooking-up” with 2 guys while she was on a trip overseas to de-stress during divorce proceedings).

A month later I move to next city which is 6 hours drive from her home city. She then invites herself and her kids to this city because “I take my kids to a new place each summer so we can have memories together”. I was naive, I didn’t want her to come, and I definitely didn’t want her to bring her kids. But she comes nonetheless and does her own thing with her kids, and meets me for dinner. I end up forking out $$ for her and her kids. FML#2.

One evening at her hotel she invites me to “participate” in the evening routine for her kids. “Just be there so I can bath them and read them a story and tuck them in bed and after that we should catch up”. Being a geek loser that I was I bring over a list of pros and cons. I assume she is quite serious with this relationship and my conscience starts catching up with me when I met the kids over the weekend. So on the list I have the red flags and everything I assume this woman isn’t the one for me. She goes through the list, is visibly p~~~ed, (I alluded to her being a slut with the casual sex with the 2 men before me but most importantly the careless “put it in” on the first night of us getting it on). She says I have a wrong impression of her. She is victim of her ex-husbands depression, who never took care of her and her children. She hated sex with him because he would work all day in basement from his home business and would only come up to f*ck her. Never played with kids. Painted the dead guy as the evil- wrong-doer. And then proceeded to say what lead to my mental f*ck up. She said, “I have never had a break from guys”. She later admitted that was a realization for herself and thinking it out loud was a mistake. And I would later learn what she meant exactly. We didn’t have any sex on her trip because I am feeling guilty for being selfish and giving her the provider vibe despite not intending on the sucker to raise her kids.

Anyways, the next morning we meet for breakfast and like a pussy I break down outside IHOP saying I am sorry but I am catching feelings for you but I know it won’t work because the kids will never see me as their dad. And I really don’t even know if she just likes me for me or the future big check a potential surgeon wanna-be makes. She starts to cry too and says, “this weekend the kids had a dad in you, more than they ever had a man (hint: her dead ex-husband) be a dad to them”. Awwww. FML#3.

She continues to text me and knows I am hooked. I call her almost every night for an hour. She is starting nursing school at 28, and keeps me updated on her personal life and school life. All through this I was quite distanced from her kids. I didn’t ask about them nor cared for them much apart from the random updates she offered and I gave my opinions on things if asked.

She starts hinting that I meet her parents about 2.5 months in the “relationship”. I confess to this girl that I love her around 3 months into this. For me she was my first love, I am euphoric. Around this time, I am also preparing for a big exam that determines what a medical student can get in to for residency (i.e. family medicine, surgery, etc). I ask her that I need 3 weeks off to focus on school and I will refrain from texting/calling and request that she keeps contact to minimum. Naive move perhaps. But she starts sending me cute pics of her while out with a friend, texting me she is missing me. I cave in. A week before this big exam she comes over — brings the letters she wrote me each and every day for the week that I wasn’t talking to her much. And I soaked it up like a true mangina. So thoughtful of her. FML#4.

All throughout this “relationship” we are having sex on and off whenever she comes to visit or I drop by to her place on my way to see my parents. In my gut something is wrong. I know she is not the right one, I know I don’t want to raise another man’s kids. But not being used to the affection and kindness and feeling that she is the one, I continue to tell myself I will never find a woman like her ever again.

I write this big exam and I walk out after the 8 hours exam to read a text, “I fingered myself thinking about you. Just letting you know because you said I should whenever I wanted you I should tell you. Wish you were here so I could push your head down there”. I paraphrase.  I know I should be happy reading this but I am starting to feel miserable. I am being paranoid. I am thinking about the times she said a high school male friend is coming over and I don’t get a text reply from her 4-5 hours later. He only visits after 8pm when the kids are in bed. And it happened 3 times when I didn’t hear from her until after midnight. Presumably after he is gone after a screw. Or I was just insecure mangina. FML#5.

I start new rotation at the same hospital for a month (6 hour driving distance from her city). And during a visit home I drop by her place. I reach there after her kids are in bed. While in bed, she brings her own list of pros and cons for me. One of the cons for me: “You said you won’t marry a girl who has been a slut”. My heart drops. An unconscious slip-up on her part. She tries to recover it by stating a friend of her is a slut, but she is a great girl and she deserves a good man. Suffice to say I just really want to get up and leave at this point. I am even more miserable. But I am so attached and in love – only a mangina can be. She laid next to me sleeping while I was up most of the night. At some point she turns around and said you have been keeping it in for so long, and initiates sex. I don’t have the courage to say no. For first time I felt disgust and anger at my lack of self-control. The next day (and my entire life I will not forgive myself) we had unprotected sex. She is on no pills or birth control. I came outside but as a medical student I should know better. Being in love isn’t enough to risk STD/pregnancy. She asks me to stick around to play lego with her kids. And I did. FML#6

After visiting my parents, I return to the same city 6 hours away from hers. She comes for a visit. I am so confused as an epic pussy that I don’t have sex with her just because I need the urge to feel some control over this “relationship”. The visit is fun overall, we do cute, couple stuff together like boat-paddling, picnic in a park, star gazing at an observatory, and a burger joint she searched for that she wanted to visit. Good time. But during her stay I bring up the whole unprotected sex issue. And how I feel it was a mistake. A kick in my b~~~~: she doesn’t remember we had unprotected sex- not the when or where but “did we even …”. Epic FML#7. I realize now that it was a ploy to get pregnant and if she didn’t get pregnant that time around it didn’t happen. What mattered was the next time when she would try again and eventual get me. All through this (as soon as 3 months in to the relationship), she starting hinting “lets make it legal/if you would ask me to run off and marry you in a court, I totally would”. You would I am sure :\

Around this time the third most important exam of my life is coming up. I finish my rotation and take time off to prepare for it. She texts me about my preparations and I naively say I have taken a week off to study. She said I should come over and stay at her place to study and that I can go to library and she won’t bother me much. I resist but eventually I give in. So I drive 6 hours and stay at her place. We had sex-unprotected. She doesn’t like condoms. “Being in a marriage ruined me, I like it skin-to-skin”. And I was on a death wish. It’s important to know that the second guy she slept with after her ex-husband was also unprotected sex in her own admission. “He was too drunk to put the condom on”. But even the first guy … as I come to find out later was also presumably without a condom. How I know this you might ask? During one of her trips to where I was doing my rotations she brings 4 of her personal diaries-her journals. A note on diary: “I am letting you pour in my soul, I see how you might read them and think I am a slut.” It has everything she has written about her life. Why she wanted me to read them, I don’t know. But I read them. I know it only f*cked me up more. In there was a rather explicit detail of her first night of sex after 18-month hiatus since her separation with her ex. She described herself as a “sex kitty” sex with a man 4x in one night, last time lasting more than an hour before he comes. She states she went to his place just wanted to hang out but we started to make out and before long I was in his bed begging to put it in. In the same context with me, she didn’t ask me to put a condom on. So I assume she didn’t ask that guy either. Reading that I really had lost any self-respect I had as a man, but the attachment I have, she is an angel who got misused by “jerks”. She had the cool-aid and I drank it – like a mangina. Oh and she liked how sex between me and her never involved alcohol. Presumably with others it did. And before her ex committed suicide he was coming to her parents driveway and yelling at her. May I dare think for the poor guy … he was just learning from others what his beloved soon-to-be-ex wife is up to in night clubs with her girlfriends. FML#8.

So while I am at her place studying for this exam, she wants me to meet her parents. She invites them over. I come early from library, talk to them. They seem like nice people. The dad is quite reasonable stating, “Why do you want to marry a girl with kids? You are going to be a doctor, you can find someone without kids. I believe my daughter would best be matched with a guy who has kids?” She jumps in stating how the first guy she dated had a daughter “who was a bitch”. She is talking about a 5- year old. My stomach churns. But I can’ seem to find my b~~~~. She has them. I know. She is so delighted with me meeting her parents that she wants to have sex on her period. And I am happy getting it. During sex while she is on top she doesn’t stop when I ask her I am about to cum. And I cum inside her. At least she is on her period, I tell myself. An hour later I tell her that it was quite fun coming inside of a woman without a condom. And I have chills down my spine writing this … but the twinkle in her eyes, that devious look, I will never forget. As if all her plans, all her handwork to this point is finally paying off. This loser is letting his guard down. She proceeds to give me a BJ right then and we end up having unprotected sex again. She states “I never had such a meaningful sex with anyone, I will never forget this night. I have never felt so loved and cared for”.

I leave to write this big exam next morning. And this is where the mangina learns what the cost of “love” is like.

I am in NYC for my last 2 rotations and being a small town girl she is more than happy to visit me. To sightsee NYC for the first time. She flies down to see me. The night before she and I had a phone call that started off well. But to my dismay she didn’t remember the last time we had sex. Last time she saw me before I left for NY. Last time which she painted as a beautiful memory she will not forget. She knows at this point that she has given away enough clues that would make a reasonable man question her motives. But me? No, in her mind she had me by the b~~~~. And she was right.

She brings a copy of the “5 Love languages”: to make up for her lack of memory. She cries, I forgive her. I show her around NYC. Pay for her meals. Pay for the $115 parking ticket in Manhattan. She never ever offered to pay for anything, ever. I feel like a sucker but I was forking out money for her kids using my student loans. Adding to my already 200k+ school debt. She never offered, not once, to pay for the kids at the very least.

So after the NYC trip, I find out I flunked my exam. I am looking for a way out and I call her saying I failed the exam. And that she shouldn’t hold on to me because I am a failure. She inquires about what I can do and how it will affect my chances of getting into a residency. I realize that at this point she had started to actively search for the next provider. But I can’t be sure.

A few weeks later she flies to NYC again and we drive back together (10 hours). We stay at her place, her kids are away at her ex-in-laws. We have sex that night. She wants me to meet her parents. She treats me with sex right before and after her parents visit. I go back to NY to re-write the exam. And the fallout begins.

After finishing all my rotations and exams, I come back home. I fight with my parents (who are strictly against me marrying a single mother of 2 kids who ex-husband committed suicide under questionable circumstances. Only input I ever got in that matter was that the first guy she was dating dumped her (he himself being divorced) stating that she was being too harsh on the husband by using children’s visitation rights against him. Nonetheless she admitted to a bootycall to the same guy few weeks later because “I believed him, he was right”).

To my surprise I convinced my mom to meet this girl 4 times in January of 2015 and each time she had an excuse not to come. I have personal problems at home at the time and I need to be there for my own parents. But she insists I leave them and come stay with her. WTF!? I find my ever receding potato sack and say no. I can’t do that. A few weeks of ever decreasing contact she states that she can’t associate herself with my family. It’s too much drama. One thing I would say that I am loyal as a dog. It was good while it was to her benefit but not when I knew the right thing would be to see my parents through their own financial troubles. At least be there for them. So I do what I really don’t want to do — I say we should break up. And she doesn’t want to completely let me go … just be friends. Because there is still a chance that I will find that surgery residency. We meet 1x a month for a coffee midway from January to March. I am still in love with this woman and I really want to make it work. But I realize the situation and the odds of us ever making it work — so I say its over. She is crying. I am just numb. That was late March.

Toward mid-April while she is still texting me occasionally, I reach out to her saying I would like to make it work. My family issues are over. She just says that I need to move on and find someone else. She is sure I will find a nice girl.

I text her again late April, she says she is with someone else. She is not “seeing” or “dating” him. But she is f*cking him. And my gut feelings are coming alive right in front of me and I just want to go in denial about this. She states she could never be friends with guys without wanting more — meanwhile she wanted me to believe the guy coming over after 8 pm was just a friend. That in her words “f*cking this guy would keep her away from trouble and would minimize the number of men she has slept with … so me and him will be exclusive and I will f*ck him for 6 months”. No less than 3 weeks ago she was crying and wanted to marry me. Granted I was a cold-hearted bastard and said no, but 3 weeks? It took her that time to realize that someone living in same city and available for sex is worth more than a guy willing to take on her kids and is coming around to marrying her?

I literally have a break down, I couldn’t sleep all night. Meanwhile I was fighting with my parents, for months getting them on board, she had met someone. To her credit, she thought it was over and as a rebound she found a f*ck buddy. But the guy she wanted to marry and called her soul-mate? 3 weeks? I ask to meet her half-way and she agrees. But she has a meeting at 11 (I think it was a date). So I get only 45 minutes with her. I ask her to have a talk in my car, I break down but she says she gave me a chance. And I said “no chance” when she met me in late March. At least this f~~~ buddy (who is divorced, has a daughter) hasn’t said “no chance”. Fair enough, this woman is standing up for herself. And I am being a bitch. She has all right to move on and be with any man. (She wore the scarf I bought for her while in NYC on this meeting, and it was not even cold out. That was a mental f~~~ you to me I guess.)

I am heartbroken and I go to see a friend 500 miles away. He has been a part of this entire ordeal. I have always been open and honest with this guy. That week was the hardest week of my life. I was spiralling into depression. I didn’t match in any residency. I will have to try next year. Of most, I can’t seem to find a closure. I am splitting into thinking of her as a victim one instance, and thinking of her as a narcissistic/sociopath the next. But after being rejected, I stick to no contact. No text/emails/phone calls. Surprisingly, she emails me saying a lot of what I told her about just casual sex with someone was right and she had been thinking of me the entire week. She states she has to find who this woman is by walking hand in hand with “solitude”.

I write a long email reply, all my repressed feelings finally coming out. I feel relieved and tell her never to contact me again. Being walked out on for a f*ck buddy while I had to fight the inner struggle to accept being in love with a single mom, pay a price for my career and fight tooth and nail with my parents for her was a little more than even a mangina’s dignity could take.

After 10 days she emails me saying that I hope I will contact her. She has things to share. Dangling that carrot in front of a wounded rabbit, are you? I try hard for the next 2 weeks to find closure, but I can’t. I call her and she doesn’t pick up because “she was out at mall shopping for shoes”. She texts me back and says she can talk in an hour. I call her again, she thinks I am trying to get back together. All I need is a closure to move on. I inquire about what she is been up to. How is she dealing with our breakup. Part of me misses her but I know I could never be with a woman who chose a f*ck buddy over anything meaningful I had to offer, no matter how big of a price I had to pay. Sure enough, she admits to being dumped after 2-3 lays with the jock. And thats when she emailed me about solitude and finding herself again. I inquire further and she admits to going on dates with men, at times 2 men in one day. “Oh you will so hate me, but I am going to meet a guy for coffee Saturday afternoon and going with another guy to casino in the evening. I have never been to a casino.” She admitted to being on plenty of fish at the time she emailed me about walking hand in hand with solitude to “find who this woman really is”. She cries. She says she just needs a man in her life; it’s not the same as being with her women friends. She says “I know it is stupid, that is what it is. But there is something about waking up to a man next to me. If I give sex, men stick around longer”. She doesn’t forget to mention that her kids miss me and ask about me while she is crying and indirectly telling me what a c~~~-socket she has been for the revolving door of men. I listen carefully. I am getting the closure I need. But I need more for a definite closure. She says she needs time to think about things— she is thinking I want to get back together. Next morning, sure enough she texts me and I call. She says, “I am all in. I am a better looking version of you. But let’s make it work”. I am taken back, I don’t want to. But how do I say this to her? Still my b~~~~ are no where to be found. So finally I admit that I never told her about the girls I had slept with. I had told her about 2 girls only. But I had slept with 2 more, one was a one night stand. In my mind, if I can clear my own conscience may be she will come clean and tell me the men she has slept with. May be we can start over again?

Well, she doesn’t like that. I lied to her. I “ruined everything”. I am “an ugly person inside and out”. Now, after 8 years of college and med school and 200k+ in debt, I know I should have found my dignity and walked out. But she made me feel that withholding that information about my past made her a victim. That I was someone evil. I call her a week later. This is what I get:

-I am a sociopath.

-I am a lying bastard. And she deserves someone new. (I am sure she is already sleeping with a few guy(s))

-Me not matching into surgery is a baggage (coming from a woman with 2 kids, sleeping with any man interested in her, an ex-who committed suicide, being a full time nursing student, having no source of income other than her dad paying house mortgage and living of social support)

-She has her own home and going to be a nurse. She tells me to figure my s~~~ out. Says I am confused and desperate. And to top it all, suggest I should seek professional help.

And that was that. I got my closure!

I have to thank her for being slightly too honest and too short-sighted that saved me from a definite ruined life later. But I believe her testing the waters will only sharpen her manipulating skills. She will not make the subconscious slip-ups easily or give the conflicting hints to the next sucker until it is too late for him to get out.

At 28, I learned something I believe men in their 40s learn potentially after a divorce. I realize there are great woman out there. But for me its back to building my career and learning from my mistakes.

I hope to continue to be a member of this resourceful website. And when I am in my 50s with that Surgeon title and my own money and self-worth intact, I can one day Facebook her name.

And smile.

MGTOW for life 🙂

I realize there are great woman out there.

Where? I haven’t seen or met one yet.

My advice never live or marry a woman, no matter how great she seems she will clean you out.

Great women? It’s less than 1%! You need to wake the f~~~ up!

I would just always be alert if I can’t completely swear off women for a lay. Even that seems hardly worth any more effort than scratching my b~~~~ right now.

I had a similar experience when I was trying to put myself through university.  I had met a sweet girl, had lots of adventures together like only the truly young can have, and were blindly in love with each other for several years. I was career driven and heavily in debt with student loans, and all she wanted was to start a family – she had no career or education aspirations at all.  I could not bring myself to start a family given my financial situation. This drove a wedge between us and we eventually separated.  I saw her 12 or 14 months after our separation and she had a kid in a stroller and another on the way.  Unfortunately that didn’t wake me up (it took a second woman to do that) – but now I see just how little I meant to her.  It ended up taking me a decade of hard work to get to the financial position where I would consider myself capable of raising a family. It took her two or three months to find some guy willing to blow his load in her.

Glad you are here and welcome!

Welcome, I am sorry for all the drama and heartache you went through at the hands of that slut; all I can say is that they are all single moms for a reason.

I got suckered into a similar situation shortly after I finished med school, except my ex was sans prior married or kids. Yet, she rode the c~~~ carousel, was physically more attractive then myself, and saw a good meal ticket and turned on the manipulation and charm. Like yourself, I was extremely naive in the ways of women – got duped and was dumb enough to marry my mistake.  I ignored all the warning bells; it was like a moth to a flame, as in your case. Luckily, a short marriage and no children was my salvation. It truly is amazing how rational logic gets thrown out the window when “love” is involved. This is a very painful lesson for you – learn from it, evaluate, assimilate what you have learned, but above all do not forget the lesson.

I have about a decade on you, and if you don’t mind some unsolicited advice I will say the following.

1.) Never marry. It’s a broken, one sided, institution. The risk is not worth the reward. It is a sum zero game at best.

2.)Don’t get duped into thinking another educated professional will be your saving grace and make a good mate. Trust me, if she continues to work post marriage and kids your money will becomes hers. The bills will only get larger due to her frivolous spending. This is a logical fallacy.

3.) Always use protection. You dodged a bullet. I would even go as far to consider a vasectomy with sperm storage. Baby jail is a 18-25 year sentence. Plus, the caliber of any child that you would have had with the ex you outlined above would have been dubious at best. They more then likely would have been a drain on you financially for life.

4.) The traditional family unit is dead. It existed once but feminism killed it. Don’t chase illusions, dreams, or mirages. Find another focus in life. ( I am struggling with this one myself).