My name is Oliver. I somehow managed to end up on this marvelous website after looking up information regarding vasectomy for reasons that some of you might already guess. That being said, I should probably share my story:

I’ve been raised in your typical suburbs by my mother and father. I got introduced to the harsh reality of life when my parents broke up when I was 13. My mom had the priority for me and my sister but at the time she was making twice as much as my father so it kinda makes sense that she was in charge. From what I remember my father was allowed to have me for 5 days per two weeks. Looking back I kinda wish I didn’t skip on some of those days as often as I did, but I’m going a bit off-topic. For some reason my older sister had a harder time dealing with the divorce and had extreme anxiety issues and had to go consult a psychologist for a few year following the events. On my end, I was doing okay in the ‘safe bubble’ that is private high school.

Throughout those 6 years (I live in Canada and for some reason the private school I went to had 6 graders and highschoolers in the same building) I ended up in roughly 80% of the same classes as this girl, let’s call her Sarah. We became best friends really quickly. So quickly that pretty much everybody thought we’ve secretly had something going on for years. Despite all the time we spent together, whether it was at school or not, we never talked about our feelings to each other. Fast forward a bit, on our last year of high school, I asked her to go prom with me. She obviously said yes. In fact she was pretty p~~~ed that it took me a while to ask. The next day, people didn’t even bother to gossip about it since everybody saw it coming. Then prom day came; nothing really exciting there since the fun part is the after-prom. For some reason the party was one day after the prom. After the prom itself, we parted ways and told each other we’d see each other to the party the next day. While everybody was getting plenty of sleep before the party, me and one of my guy friend stayed up all night in a Tim Hortons. We talked about how things we’re gonna change forever between all of us and that the ‘bubble’ we had been living in for years was about to burst. Around 8 in the morning we respectively went back to our homes and went straight to bed to get a few hours of sleep before heading to the after-prom party. We never went. He and I, somehow, ended up sleeping for a whole 24 hours. From what I remember, she didn’t wasn’t too upset that I wasn’t there with her. We kept seeing each other a lot during the summer but a few weeks before college started, things started to change between her and me.

We didn’t go to the same college. I preferred to go to the same college as my guy friends while she went to some fancy private college. About a month after college started, she messaged me on Facebook. She said I changed, for the worse. She said she didn’t want me to be part of her life and anymore and blocked me from everything. I was devastated. I failed more than half of my classes because I didn’t even bother getting out of bed. Fast forward by half a year. I switched to another college since I had a better idea of what I wanted to study in. In one of the introduction parties I met another girl, let’s call her Courtney. At first our relationship was solely based on sex but it was slowly changing into a normal relationship… until she died. None of my friends/family knew about her since I prefered to keep it a secret. I still remember my mom trying to reason me while I was crying my life away in front of the washing machine.

After a few days going through a dozen of boxes of Kleenex, three of my guy friends started spamming me on Facebook. They told me that Sarah had somethign to tell me. At that instant, my mood went from botterline suicidal to feeling ecstatic… I would end up regreting this change of heart later on. Sarah apologized for treating me the way she did. I was so happy to be able to talk to her that I didn’t ask for her motives as to why she threw away our friendship in the first place. She told me she had a boyfriend and her Facebook profile made it pretty clear that she was taken. Despite that, we were seeing each others one or twice a week. In fact it seemed as if I was spending more time with her than her bf did. I would later understand why when she introduced me to her new boyfriend by the end of the year. Surpisingly, it didn’t really bother me that she was dating a new guy. I knew her older sister hated the guy and that she always enjoyed my presence. The same can be said about Sarah’s parents. She even admitted once that her parents hated all the other guys that came to their house except me and one of my friend.

I should have probably started putting timestamps here and there to make my story a bit easier to follow. Between January 2012 and April 2012, me and Sarah didn’t get to see each other a lot for various reasons, but if she had the chance to see me, she would prioritize me over her BF. As we got closer to the month of July (both of our birthdays are in July), we would go to bars every week with her sister. Her boyfriend didn’t really enjoyed that and started hanging out with other girls as a revenge. Sarah would eventually invite me to various events/bars with her boyfriend to throw some more fuel on the fire. He would eventually dump her at this bar while me and her sister were going to grab something in her car. I’m guessing he prefered to do it while I couldn’t stare at him with a ‘I’m gonna rip your head off’ look because that was usually how I looked at him and Sarah knew that. So me, Sarah and her sister left that bar to go to another one. By the time we arrived to that other bar she had already removed her relationship status on Facebook. She then grabbed my phone and did a check-in with just me and her on Facebook. Everybody from high school saw the change in her relationship status and then the check-in. Needless to say, the like button exploded on both… I then had to explain to my friends the next day that nothing happened between her and me.

Fast forward a bit to July. Sarah and her sister ‘kidnapped’ me on my birthday. They had to go to their workplace to talk to their manager for a minute. They pretty much forced me to get inside with them. As they were talking to their manager, I noticed that she was looking me up. So I akwardly found my way out and got in the car. Once the sisters came back, the first thing they asked me was if I thought their manager was cute. I would then spend the next 20 minutes telling them that I wasn’t interested in dating their boss (some 35 y/old MILF). At the end of the night, I got back home… insanely confused about had happened. Only now can I see that I should have given up on my dreams to be my Sarah if she tried to hook me up with her boss, but I guess I was just that tied up in her strings.

A few days later, the sisters had the home for themselves since their parents were gone. The invited some of their friends for a small party. Once most people started leaving, Sarah’s sister told me that she was going to bed and that I was in charge of her younger sister. By the time I turned around, Sarah was gone. It started raining outside so I started looking for her around the house/garden. Nothing. I ended up walking in the street and saw a car parked down the street. As I got closer, I saw the suspension at work if you know what I mean. I didn’t bother to get closer since I knew who and what was going on in the car. As the rain kept pouring down, I turned around and slowly headed back to their home. I waited 20/30 minutes on the front porch until she came back. I didn’t confront her about it… I was too weak. Instead of sleeping, I took a walk to a nearby bridge and told myself to either jump or to tell her about my feelings in the morning. I decided to head back. Once the morning came, I said… nothing. I spent the rest of the week hating myself for being so scared to open my mouth.

Then Sarah’s birthday came at the end of July. The same guy that missed the after-prom with me lived right next to where we were going so me and him both got there together since Sarah didn’t invite other mutual friends. I still find it surprising that I didn’t flip a table when I walked in because the first thing I saw was her ex-boyfriend (the guy that left her at the bar) with his arm around Sarah. And of course, I would have to sit next to the guy for the rest of the night. Sarah would eventually go outside with him, only to back inside with a ring around her finger. At that point it was pretty much invisible to her. Somuch that she didn’t bother saying bye or anything before she left. My friend that was with me saw what went down and told me to sleep at his place for the night. I told him I would take a taxi back home but I didn’t. I ended up walking 30 kilometers back home, wondering what I was doing with my life. Because I wasn’t able to talk to Sarah about my feelings, I decided to write a letter. To make sure that I was confident with my decision, I decided to walk to her home during the night (12km). I waited a few minutes in front of her house, staring at her window and finally dropped the letter in front of the door before getting in a taxi.

And that’s how I wasted almost a decade of my life on a girl… She didn’t bother to send me an sms or a message on FB. I wasn’t expecting her to fall in my arms since I was more or less telling her how much she’s hurt me throughout these years, but she didn’t even have the respect to at least aknowledge that she understood my situation. I was just… disposable.

It’s been two years and a half since everything went down but the scars are still there and I doubt these will ever go away. I don’t mind though, I’ve learned the lesson. I can see clearly now and women should not be trusted.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading my poorly written post. It’s kinda late and I should have went to bed hours ago, so I apologize for the typos/mistakes. Also thanks to everyone who has posted before me. Seeing as most of you are in their thirties+, I don’t think this kind of situation is likely to happen to you but I figured someone, somewhere, might be in a similar situation end ends up reading this. Despite the little amount of sleep I will be able to get before this 13 hours shift, I can tell myself that there’s thousands of people with stories like mine and that should be enough to drive me through this day.

Thanks again,

Oliver

Welcome aboard!

Thanks! Reading through these forums has been really comforting and eye opening at the same time!

Hey Oli….welcome aboard. the forums are really great aren’t they? hey, just a tip for ya…my little brother kinda hates cats and sometimes he goes nutz when he sees one on here. you may be running into him, so be ready. enjoy the posts!

Didn’t think about it at first, but a cat picture isn’t the most appropriate thing around here… I should keep it for http://www.mgtow.com/womens-shelter/ =p

The relative value of women your age in the relationship market is as high as it’s ever going to be. They look as good as they are ever going to look. They have as much potential as they are ever going to have. Unfortunately, they are nowhere near mature enough to responsibly handle anyone making a significant emotional investment in them. When you see them being indecisive, or bouncing from one to the next, or playing one guy against another one, you are witnessing a girl just starting to figure out what her value to men is, and what she should do with it. They don’t generally have anyone around to teach them so they have to figure it out on their own. Nearly all of them badly screw up this process. Older women could help them, but older women see them as a threat and usually won’t.

This process of figuring out what their worth is and how to responsibly behave with it lasts for so long that by the time they figure out what to do with their worth, they usually don’t have it anymore. Do not ever jump from a bridge because a 20 something year old woman has her head up her ass. If every man did that, there would not be enough bridges 🙂

You may not realize it yet, but there are two different Sarahs in your story, and two different disappointments. One Sarah is in your head, and that’s the only place she exists. That Sarah is worth all the time, effort, attention and emotional investment you’ve made. But that is not the Sarah you have made the investment in. The other Sarah, the one that exists outside your head that has been the recipient of all that investment, has her head up her ass the way I just described above. There’s not a more polite way to say it without risking miscommunication.

If you have any doubts about this, do the following exactly as I (and MANY other older men) will tell you. For the time that you are in school, focus ALL of that energy on your own education. Invest all that time, effort and attention to yourself. Ignore women. Especially ignore Facebook. It is useless to you. At your age, women are most often a financial and emotional liability. The only thing they have to offer a man your age is dick-maintenance, and they are inexperienced, overpriced, under-motivated and unreliable at even that simple task. Just focus on yourself.

When you graduate, take all the effort and energy you were focusing on your education, double it, and then focus it on your job/career/accumulation of financial assets. Don’t even look up for the next ten years. Focus on buying your house, start finding a retirement account (the earlier the better – google ‘compounding interest’ if you aren’t already familiar with that), making yourself indispensable to whatever company you work at. If you get the occasional chance at some easy, no strings, no cost sex along the way…fine. Take it, but don’t be distracted and don’t compromise on money, cohabitation etc.

When you are 32-34 years old, have gotten the best education you could get, and have had ten years of working as hard as you can and investing all your money and effort in yourself (ONLY) as heavily as you can, the world of relationships with women is going to look VERY, VERY DIFFERENT …if you even choose to participate in it at all. And at that point, you can look up Sarah on Facebook again. She will look very different as well. She will not at all resemble the Sarah that was in your head. You may not even recognize her. But I very much hope that you and I are still in touch on this site, because I already know what’s going to happen to her. Many of here know.

Everything I’ve just written is outside what your 20 something year old, hormone charged brain is likely to tell you to do in regards to women. But if you read the other response under this one from other 40, 50, and 60 year old mgtows who are going to post on this thread, pay attention to how consistent they are. We are consistent in our perceptions across decades of different age because women are consistent in their behavior in their teens and 20s…

However uncomfortable your experience has been for you, the timing of it was fortunate. You are a university educated smart kid. You will be a good producer and you are going to be worth enough to be identified as a target before long. Having had the experience that you have had will make you safe from having the same experience 10-15 years from now when Sarah might have treated you just as badly, but it would have cost you half of an enormous pile of assets you worked for in addition to the emotional price to which it is limited now.

Your situation and your future is so much brighter than you realize right now. And while it sucks to have some old guy tell you this when you are as uncomfortable as you presently are, that circumstance is also very temporary and will not be returning as the learning from it lasts indefinitely. Your situation right now is as bad as it’s ever going to get, but from here, it gets so much better in ways you can’t even imagine right now.

Welcome to mgtow Oli. You are in the right place.

Thanks for the lenghty post. While this whole thing went down I was studying in 3D, I was more or less teaching lessons to some of my teachers but that’s another can of worms. It was 6 semesters in a bit more than a year and a half, so we had no vacations during the summer or at any time really. Not only that but my father stopped taking his medication for diabetes and ended up at the hospital in a coma. I couldn’t take all of this at the same time and I dropped out of college with 15 failed classes for the two last semesters. I was more or less doing it to make my parents proud anyway, since most people in the 3D industry are being hired purely on their artistic capabilities. I thought I could still keep on learning by myself after the dust settled down, but I think I don’t have the required self-control to get stuff done instead of messing around at this point… maybe in the future.

That being said, I’ve been working for my hometown for almost 5 years now. My job consists of… not doing anything really, believe it or not. I’m only making 18$ per hour which isn’t that great for some of the projects I have in mind but hey, I can browse the internet and do whatever I want so I guess it’s not that bad. About a month ago I saw two jobs opening at the water purification station that is owned by my city. I looked up the required degree and all that jazz and turns out that I could eventually push further and end up in engineering… which involves 3D! But that’s just me projecting. On the short-term, I would get to start at 50k a year on top of all the advantages I currently have due to the fact that I’ve been working here for 5 years. I’d also get to keep my pension fund and the advantages that go with it which is a plus!

Hopefully the fact that I failed two whole semesters isn’t gonna prevent me from being accepted but if everything goes according to plan, I should be able to buy a condo/house and repay the bank by the time I’m 30ish. Idk about you but I don’t hear a lot of people my age talking about mortages unless they are looking for a 25-30 years term!

But enough rambling. As you said, things can only get better from now on since I know the relationship game is rigged. No need to play the game if you’re gonna lose.

We’re very glad you feel at home and take great pleasure in welcoming you.