I’m awfully glad to have found this website.  Long story short, two years ago I got divorced.  My wife of 14 years decides to start banging the college intern at her work.  Needless to say, that ended things.  We have two little girls together, and so now I have split custody.  The ex wife moved out – I’m still in the house and kept the mortgage, but I’m enjoying that…

I’ve embraced myself as a single father, and I have a great relationship with my kids.  What I am just now starting to understand, however, is how to live life without a significant other.  I was deeply unhappy being divorced.  I thought I was very happy in the marriage – having someone to talk to everyday, being able to provide for and do things to “impress” my wife at the time was rewarding for me.  Without that, I found myself looking to date other women so I could do just that.  But the experience was deeply unsatisfying.  Most recently, I started seeing a single mom ( I know I know, bad move lol).  I’m not even sure why – she has a cool personality and was quite pushy, so I figured why not…

Ever since she started really pushing to move in with me (along with her two snotty girls), I’ ve been backing off.  She doesn’t really work (a lot of child support and a side business selling women’s products), and so I just see my little house becoming consumed by her and her kids.  Not to mention I’d end up spending more time with her kids than my own…There are a lot of good qualities she has –  eager to help with my kids, shoveled my driveway when I was traveling during a storm, offers to help with my sick mom, always fair – ie., pays her own way, doesn’t take advantage of me, etc.  But despite all this, I feel as if I would have more satisfaction by keeping my peaceful life, by myself.  Having my girls half the time, and my own peace and quiet the other half.  Maybe I’m gun-shy – I’ve been screwed once, so maybe I’m missing a good one, who knows.

But then, I see the typical woman behavior.  For instance, I communicate my need to go slow, as well as my need for “me” time.  She acts OK with it.  But as soon as I decide I don’t want to spend every child-free minute with her, and do my own thing (ie., go for a ride on my bike, see some friends, etc.), she is on my case.  Nevermind the pushing to move in with.

I think I’ve been conditioned my whole life to gain acceptance from the opposite sex, and from anyone I’m with (like most people).  Changing my entire life’s perspective to not have to get such acceptance seems so liberating and I’m excited, but to be honest, it also sounds somewhat terrifying.  How do I get used to that kind of thought, and living just for myself?  What helped you guys get used to the idea?

thanks for the support!

Get to know yourself and your children.  Learn that  you CAN enjoy your own company.  You have already determined that she’s “pushy”.  WTF?  You do NOT need another female from which to gain acceptance.  If women can do it without men, why do men think they cannot do it without women?

I would tell her its too soon, tell her you could not take that step right now because you are in a period of adjustment, or whatever may work.  See how she responds.  If she heads the other way, it will make her motives clear – housing and a new gravy train is the prize.

If she is trying to interfere with your free time, that is a RED FLAG the size of Texas.  F~~~ that.  The first thing a predator does is isolate its prey, because isolation renders the prey weak and helpless.

I assure you, proceed with extreme caution.

Just sayin’

Keith

I would suggest, let her go. If she keeps pushing, or if she gives you and ultimatum, cut ties. My advice may not be that worthy (single guy, never even DATED, let alone get married), but I saw a lot of s~~~storms, and read even more. This looks like a disaster waiting to happen.

Anyway, good luck 🙂

NO KEY = time is on your side. you will see more glimpses of the truth.   she will try to get prego so watch it.  If you sit on the decision fence to enjoy the ride you’re gonna end up with a picket up your ass.

She will invade the space reserved and necessary to bond and nurture your children and smash the myth that men cannot be good, devoted single parents. Your own children will probably see this as an invasion of their relationship with you and they deserve your attention without a single mother with her own issues.

This advice is so good it should be a gold standard.

experienced wrote:

She wants your nest for her offspring.

experienced wrote:

she will try to get prego so watch it.

Even if not true, can you really take the chance that it’s not?

GET A VASECTOMY!

This woman is a chameleon ….. doonft stick around for the change.

She will devour you and your kids.

First, what helps many of us is two parts. The first is the carrot. All the time, money, energy that gets freed up when it is not being sacrificed to a woman in hopes it will achieve her approval, happiness, sex, or just shutting her up for a little while so you can have some peace. All that time, money, effort and energy all belong to you now, and are immediately available for your sole use in whatever way achieves YOUR happiness, satisfaction etc. You have time, money, attention and energy for hobbies, side jobs, education, entertainment … whatever you choose, really. And you have a LOT of choices to make. After my divorce, I had to stop in the store one day and smell different kinds of soaps to see which one I liked. Poor to that, I just used whatever she liked because it was easier than arguing with her, or listening to her bitch and nag. Soap you use is a small thing, but those small things add up.

And it’s not just the small things. Where are you going on vacation next year? (Wherever the hell YOU CHOOSE). Where are you sign to spend the holidays? (Wherever the hell YOU CHOOSE). How are you going to spend your tax refund check? (However the hell YOU CHOOSE). What house are you going to live in? (The one YOU CHOOSE)

Recognize a theme here yet? 🙂

The other part is the stick, or lack thereof. This would be all the things that you don’t have to suffer through. Wife cheating on you, putting you at risk for std’s, with holding sex, blaming you for her moods, or for anything else she doesn’t want to take responsibility for. It doesn’t sound much like I need to remind you of those things…

The important thing to remember about making sacrifices to get approval, or sex, or quiet… or anything else from a woman is that even if you succeed in getting what you were after, the price goes up next time. And no matter how high the price goes, if you show them you can pay it, they will raise it next time in order to be sure that are getting the MAXIMUM that they can possibly get in exchange for whatever it is you are tying to get. You already know this if you think about it, but on some level, you’ve probably been acting as though you didn’t.

You can let that woman move in to your house if you choose, because she says that what she wants. But you are naive if you think that’s the last thing she’s going to want. I predict new drapes, new carpet, new furniture or new whatever-else-has-any-connection-to-your-ex is going to be the next thing it will take to keep her happy if you let her move in. Basically, if you give a mouse a cookie, it may keep her happy momentarily, but very soon she’s gonna want a glass of milk… It’s basically a vagina auction: every time you have the winning bid, seller bids up the price. It’s never really yours, but you have to pay to cover whatever bids you’ve entered.

MGTOW: Cookie is yours and only yours. Same goes for the milk. You don’t owe her either one.
Feminism: She doesn’t need a man. She can earn her own cookies and milk. LET HER!

As for why this is terrifying: only because it is unknown to you. A big part of my job is dealing in risk, fears, odds and reassurances. If you study the psychology of scary movies, you see a pattern that Hitchc~~~, Speilburg, Steven King all use. All the great ones know it. The scariest parts of the scariest movies all happen off screen, so that you are required to IMAGINE them. The three scariest movie villains of the 20th century were the shark in “Jaws” (3#), the wicked witch in the “”Wizard of Oz (#2), and Norman Bates in “Psycho” (undisputed #1). In “Jaws”, all through the movie, you never see the shark until the end. You see a fin coming out of the water. You hear the ominous music. A swimmer gets pulled under… but you have to imagine the shark.

In psycho, the scariest part of the movie is the shower scene, but you never see a knife hit skin. You see a knife in the air, you see someone screaming, and you see (ink) running down a shower drain. But the knife on skin, or the teeth on skin… those happen off screen and you are required to imagine them. Good writers, directors know that if they put it on screen, it will only be as scary as they can make it appear, which will be scarier for some than for others. But if they leave it off screen and let your imagination take over, each person’s imagination will create for that particular person a custom picture that is maximally scary for that particular person.

The wicked witch was a scary bitch right on screen, but her target audience was 6 year olds whose imagination dominates their perception of the story regardless of what’s on screen. My point is that just because it’s new and still a little unknown to you does not mean it’s necessarily bad. If you explore the withdrawal from the vagina auctions, you may find that, like the witch, it isn’t really all that scary once you meet it up close.

This woman, just like the witch and many others like her, will scream and cackle and try to scare, bait, nag or shame you into serving their needs above your own. But unless you trust them enough to marry, impregnate or co-habitate with them, there’s very little they can do to really harm you.