I was married for 14 years to a narcissistic manipulator.  I was her beta slave and she played me like Yo-Yo Ma plays his cello.  I was a committed servile husband to keep the peace for 14+ years.  We had problems off and on throughout the marriage but none of the issues were ever large enough for me to divorce her.  Then it hit me one day how absolutely miserable I was and how I had all but been castrated by this crazy person.  That was my red pill moment.

After the end of the marriage, I continued to operate in all the subsequent relationships as I had in my marriage.  I “worked hard” to make my mate love me and want to be with me.  It won’t come as a shock to any of you that I’ve been horribly unsuccessful with making this happen.  It finally became clear to me (painfully, I have to admit this was a recent discovery) that I don’t believe love really exists.  This came after yet another failed relationship attempt in which I “tried so hard.”   When things failed, I felt sick.  I was crushed.  After putting myself back together and researching things, I now have a crystal clear understanding of the way things work.  It’s as if I’ve been reading a manual written to explain what NOT to do.  I was committing many of the beta sins I thought I was too strong to commit.

So I get it.  I still have room for improvement but I’m now self-aware and, going forward, I’ll be insuring to elevate myself well beyond doormat status.

Thanks for coming together and participating in this community and in this forum.  There are so many encouraging and horrifying stories here.  It’s nice to finally have a name for what I’ve felt subconsciously but hadn’t recognized openly.

This week I’m celebrating the official death of a beta.

Things may get a little bumpy as you fully awaken … so don’t become a stranger here.

Well done … now go dig a hole and bury that beta ☺

… I don’t believe love really exists….

I agree. As far back as my blue pill days, I thought “love” is a temporary glandular condition designed in us for the purpose of propagating the species. It always wears off, like it or not.

Now you are here.

BMW makes some nice bikes by the way, got my eye on the nine-T.

I agree. As far back as my blue pill days, I thought “love” is a temporary glandular condition designed in us for the purpose of propagating the species. It always wears off, like it or not.

DH Lawrence has 2 poems talking about that, one about love ( most likely just hormones to be honest…) and one about fidelity. “Love” is bound to wither, and then only fidelity is left.

And well, you know, women and fidelity… They don’t get on very well, even though they like to pretend they do.

I’m learning volumes reading various conversations and stories posted all over these forums and I’m thankful there is a place like this to begin seeing that I have to adopt a new paradigm if I ever want to be truly happy.

Of these few things I’m certain:  1. I will never marry again.  2. My approach to interacting with vaginas will now be carefree unlike the hand-wringing approach I always used as a beta.  I was such a dumbass.  3. I will continue reading and studying this concept vigorously and use the parts that best fit my life to insure I life a thankful and happy life without all the ridiculous bulls~~~ I’ve allowed into my life historically.

Get used to seeing my questions/comments.  I’ll be here for a while.